I am going speed dating tonight. I am feeling sort of crappy today so I hope by the time the guys start making their way to my table, I will feel more myself..
I finally found someone on Lavalife who seems to be really interesting. Nice, attractive, open etc.. but here is where the process screeches to a halt.. we've talked online for several days now.. in email. Now is when I need to meet him in person. Before the illusions created behind the wall of the Internet become reality. I need to see if this person that seems like a good catch turns out to be exactly who he has been in email. He has my number and I have his. I have given the suggestion that we meet. Now the ball is in his court and whether or not this "potentially good catch" turns out to truly be a really good catch. He is 39. 5' 10?". His birthday is the day before mine. We have some things in common but not a ton. Enough to keep things interesting. So we will see how the in-person meeting goes.. if it goes...
My experience on eHarmony and Lavalife have been very discouraging. It is hard to not make the generalization that men are shallow. It is also very interesting that every guy lists all these sporting and hardcore fitness activities but seem to have no soul. They spend 100% of their free time working out.. who wants that? No other interests or hobbies than fitness. Don't get me wrong, I am all about a healthy lifestyle now.. but there is something to be said for balance!! Well I am sure they do have souls but aren't there any NORMAL guys out there? Most don't bother to even try once they see my photos.
It is definitely tough to be rejected on appearance alone. At the same time though, I wonder where all these fantastic guys are.. obviously not doing online dating..
so... After much deliberation, I decided to cancel both my eHarmony and Lavalife memberships. I didn't actually intend on continuing the Lavalife for the paid month but they billed me automatically so I had to go with it. If this thing works out with this guy I met on there, it will have been worth it for sure. At the very least I am sure I have met a friend!
I am taking tonight's speed dating session with an ounce of caution. I know now from my last experience that even having a great conversation with someone doesn't get you through that snap judgement on appearance. I had
some really inspired and interesting conversations with some of the guys at the last speed dating event.. and not one matched me... so weird... so telling...
I think the part that frustrates me the most, is that I know in a year or 2, after plastics and stuff, I will have the mind AND the body.. and I want to find someone BEFORE I get to that point because I want someone who wants me for more than just my body... and me looking all hot n stuff in the long term will be like a bonus for him for sticking with me through it.. but I can't/won't go telling potential dates these facts because not only does it defeat the purpose, but how do I explain it all? Does "he" (he being any guy with potential) even care? Will my history and my future seem too complicated or too challenging? Naturally I think I am worth the effort but how does someone else know I am worth the effort?
I went to bed a bit earlier than usual last night. I was pumped to get a bit of extra sleep... but then at 3:30 in the morning, I woke up from a nightmare. The stupid thing is, the nightmare wasn't even a nightmare!! I was scared over nothing!!! I dreamed I was in a parkade and it was night and fairly dim. I went into the stairwell and a homeless guy was talking to a pile of clothes or something.. then I get to the door of the level my SUV is on and there are 2 or 3 guys in hoodies that seem shifty.. when I come out of the door, they start walking towards me so I start screaming "HELP" "HELP"! and they walk right by me into the stairwell I came from! So I walk to my car, unlock it, get in, close the door... and before I have the chance to lock it, I wake up all freaked out.. like what the heck does that mean? When I opened my eyes, I was seeing all these funny outlines.. they wouldn't go away until I turned the light on.. weird. So I ended up getting back to sleep around 4 and then the alarm went off at 5:30 as if I had just closed my eyes. So annoying!
Anyway.. I also got a HUGE compliment in my acting class on Saturday. Joe-Norman Shaw is my instructor. He's a very interesting and very talented guy. Very respected. Anyway.. after I did my scene twice, he gave me some direction about how to approach it and in the end he said something to the effect of "I have nothing more to say, sometimes you have to let the actor do their thing and there is nothing you should change, but I take credit for the direction I gave of course!" lol. Such a compliment!! I watched the tape Sunday night and even I liked my performance!! :P So the pressure is on for next weekend.. I need to get my lines memorized!
Tomorrow I get my tattoo! I am excited and nervous. Not convinced my wrist is the best location. I'll update with the result of everything above this weekend maybe.
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