People.. and some people’s kids.. Seriously?? Seriously!

I’m not quite sure where to begin.  I have been completely shocked by the behavior of people lately. I shouldn’t be surprised.. I have seen it all before.. but somehow I hope and wish that things would get better.. that people would evolve and that they would learn and grow and be normal.  But I think that may have been too much to ask.. too much to hope for!

For starters, I hid my profiles on 2 dating sites.  I was getting the most disturbing requests.  I know I have posted a couple encounters on here before but they have gotten worse.. not better! I just had to get away from that scene.  The other site I hid my profile on hasn’t been that bad but I’ve decided to stick to the one with the most normal people!! I am seriously tired of being disappointed in people’s behavior!

On the subject of normal.. what exactly is normal anyway? I co-hosted a party this past weekend and at the end of the night offered up leftover pizza and chips to the guests to take home.  I figured that they may as well enjoy it because it was left over.  My co-host and I paid for all the provisions and half of the total pizza cost out of pocket.  We also brought several things from home.  One guest helped himself to left over pizza, and then started filling baggies with chips.  Finally, he went into the fridge and helped himself to the last two cans of coke.  I explained 3 times… 3 times!!! that I was going to bring them home, that I would drink them and that they were mine to take.. (I paid for them after all) but he insisted and took them anyway.  Ok so I am dwelling on that one a bit but basically I was shocked that even after telling him no 3 times, he still felt it was perfectly ok to help himself.  We usually save the leftover cans of pop for the next party since we have them fairly frequently.  I was just so appalled! 

Today, I was walking towards the coffee shop in my building and I had to pass through a doorway.  A very nice gentleman held the door open for me but as I was about half way through, another man literally barged past me to the point where I had to back out of the doorway to get out of his way. He was completely insolent!

Of course I spent the next 5 minutes of my journey to coffee being greeted by multiple people wishing me a good morning by name.  Co-workers, Ralph from Second Cup etc.. That was nice and brought me back to my happy place :)

I am hoping that I am not just becoming really critical of the world and that my expectations aren’t outrageous.  I simply want to see people be better.. be more respectful, more patient, more honest, more sincere, more normal…  There’s that word again! I think normal is a fair expectation…

Princeton’s definition of normal is: conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal

Merriam Webster defines normal as: of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development : free from mental disorder : sane

Sane… there’s a word I usually don’t pair with “normal” but there it is..

I am working through my issues with the lack of normalcy that I am surrounded by.  People do tend to shock and surprise me.. not because what they do or say is new to me or something I haven’t experienced before, but because I have higher expectations of them.  I have hope that they will shock me for good reasons.. and deep down I want to be surrounded by really good quality people that I can be proud to stand next to.  People that share my values and morals.  I usually give the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong and really it doesn’t take much to gain my respect.. basic overall respectful “normal” common sense behavior… but it can all go away so quickly.. I can lose respect as quickly as it was earned when one of my core values is challenged.. and recovering from that, re-earning my respect is a much longer process..

Now don’t go jumping to any conclusions here.  I don’t claim to be completely normal myself.  I think I am fairly normal but I definitely deviate from the norm on occasion.. but luckily I am able to pull it back to the median long enough to make you all THINK I am normal ;)  Ok so anyone who knows me already saw right through that.. my life isn’t interesting enough to let me stray from normal for very long at all ;)

On second thought.. would collecting 71 corks and having them spilleth over from my purse during Winefest be considered normal?  Muahahahaha

Long story short.. I think people in general should be polite, respectful, aware of how their actions impact others (as perceptive as they can be) and really just be normal some of the time.  Deviating from normal for too long is a dangerous path which I can only assume is nearly impossible to escape from.. at least judging by the people I have been meeting recently.

Just not that into me??

I am having one heck of a month so far.. I’ve been on a great dinner date which ended up leading to nothing.. and I have been contacted by an insane number of men I am absolutely not interested in.

I have to say I am disappointed in my dinner date. We had a great time and afterwards he actually said he wanted to get to know me better.. and then I didn’t hear from him again.  I know he isn’t dead and I can guarantee you he knows how to get in touch with me.  Bottom line.. He wasn’t that into me!  Unfortunate but true. 

Speaking of “He’s Just not that Into you”, I saw that movie last week and I have to tell you, it was not that good.  If you’re in a solid relationship or married it is probably a hilarious movie but for the average single woman, it hits a little too close to home to be funny!

So I have been resorting to online dating.  Its a relatively easy way to meet guys without the bar scene.  Let me tell you, I have never before so badly wanted to resort back to the bar scene!  Online dating SUCKS!!! 

In the past few weeks I have been contacted by many men (mainly on Lavalife) who have expressed interest in me.  Now keeping in mind that i am 34… I have had several 25 year olds & 46-51 year olds contact me.  Half of them are too young and just looking for a “sugar mama” and the other half are divorced and looking for a playboy bunny.  Then there is the matter of the guys actually in my age range… here is how it all goes down…

Him: Hey, you looking for a good time?

Me: ?? Not looking for a fling!

Him: me neither. wanna call me?

Me: no, not a phone person. Would rather just meet for a coffee.

Him: (no answer for 5 mins)

Me: *poke*

Him: I would like to poke you but not in that way

Me: Action – Block User :P

!!!

And then there was…

Him: Hi

Me: Hi

(Insert random conversation here)

Me: If you want, we can meet for coffee

Him: Sure

Him: Wanna come over and cuddle?

Me: You don’t even know me!

Him: I know

Me: Action – Block user ;P

!!!

Seriously, I think I am being punked!  There is no way that one person can attract so many weirdos in such a short period of time and not have even ONE normal guy.  It definitely leaves me questioning whether or not I should even be trying to find someone..

I don’t think normal is too much to ask for.

So on another topic in this same category, I read that reading men's magazines can put you more in touch with male thought pattern..  So.. I went out and bought: Details, GQ and esquire.  Here is what I learned…

1) Men's magazines are FILLED with pictures of half naked men which was a pleasant surprise but also a little unnerving.

2) Men's magazines are FUNNY!  The sense of humor is different and far more gritty.. I like it.

3) Men are under a lot of pressure to get ripped/buff and the two page spread of boxer shorts is proof. I think men may actually be under MORE pressure than women when it comes to ads.

4) Men's magazines are slightly more delusional than women's magazines.  This one magazine actually made it seem like the average guy could “get with” Eva Mendez just by meeting some normal everyday criteria of hers.  *Note* No man reading that magazine has a chance with Eva Mendez.  Not because they didn’t meet the criteria and not for lack of trying.. but simply because she is a hot celebrity and she lives in a whole other universe.  Men really shouldn’t take it personally and they shouldn’t gauge their next relationship on what they missed out on with Eva.

5) Men's fashion isn’t as boring as I assumed it would be but it isn’t that exciting either.

6) Having two separate magazines with articles pertaining to blow-up dolls and how they are superior to a relationship with a real woman is probably why I am having my encounters on lavalife :(

7) All magazines feed a specific line of thought.  People in general will focus on the things that are surrounding them.. this is the whole reason magazines are so popular.. its practically brain washing. If that is actually the case, magazines could be an intellectual weapon!

I seriously need to chill out a bit with all this.. but I am planning on going speed dating at the end of the month.. It has been a year since the last attempt and I have changed a lot since then.  Also, I am sick and tired of internet dating.. let me have some face to face time with these guys!

Ok bed time..

February 4, 2009 – Single is as Single does…

I am sitting here at Higher Grounds in Kensington taking in a peppermint tea and a warm fireplace.  I sit here alone waiting for Lauren just enjoying the atmosphere.

I just got an email update about my niece and I have to say that she truly amazes me.  The more I hear about her ordeal and recovery, the more amazed I am!

Now on to the main reason for my blog...

So I sit here alone and ponder the world I am living in.  Mainly the single world where now more than ever, focus is being placed on being single.  So many songs on the radio about it and even worse than that, reality tv shows (and reality radio shows) try to hook people up with the idea that somehow amazingly, you can hook up two strangers and bada boom bada bing, they are in love and ready to be married.

I keep hearing all these radio ads about singles events for Valentines Day and it just bugs me.  How are single women not supposed to feel the pressure of being single when they are surrounded by the constant reminder that they are alone?

I was told the other day that single people who are actually looking for love emit some sort of invisible beacon which repels the opposite sex as if they had the absolute worst body odor.  It would explain a lot because I have been single for a long time and I have been "keeping an eye out" even if not actively looking for love and I am definitely not experiencing a mad rush of eligible suitors banging down my door. Quite frankly, as confident as I feel in myself and as happy my life is, I am seeing a terrible lack of attention from the opposite sex.  Well that isn't entirely true.  I seem to get a lot of attention from men "looking for sex" but not for anything with real meaning.  Go figure.

I decided to join a dating site hoping that something had changed over the past year since I last attempted the online dating jungle.. sadly nothing has changed but I remain optimistic that my Mr. Right will come and take over for my potential Mr. Right Now.  Yes, you see not only has my overall outlook on life changed, but so has my outlook on relationships.  I am over being hung up on finding "The One".. life is too short and I am getting tired of being so "proper" in my mind set. So right now I will happily enjoy Mr. Right Now

One thing that doesn't help is that I am also surrounded by single women in my life. All looking for "the one"..  All are my competition and all are my friends.  Its hard to not feel competition even though we are all technically different and looking for someone different.  Unfortunately we are all in the same boat.. we don't know who that perfect person is.. so we are all looking at a broad range of men which overlap with each others preferences.  It sucks! 

From my perspective, it seems like there are a million single women and not one single "eligible" man that is actually looking for a relationship VS. a fling.. My experience has found a ton of gay, married or otherwise taken men and not a lot else. I also seem to be getting plenty of attention from men well above my preferred age range.

Let me explain the age range thing because I don't want to alienate anyone because of age. As a matter of fact, I am not an ageist person.. but there is some truth to the fact that age and lifestyle tend to coincide.. I am 34 this year and I am hard pressed to find a man my age without a wife and kids.. or at the very least an engagement ring.. Likewise, all the men in their mid 40's (which is at the top end of my range) have had their kids, seen them through teen years and are seeing them move out of the house! I am still looking to have kids of my own!  It is hard to imagine finding someone in that age range looking to have babies now after their kids have already moved out.. so then I wonder if having kids is really meant to be.. for me..

So this brings me back to this invisible vibe I apparently emit... So basically what they (the proverbial "they") are saying is that I don't have a hope in hell as long as I am single because I will always have an eye open for the possibility and thus will always emit this  horrid beacon of desperation sending the opposite sex running and screaming? Oi. So perhaps having a "Mr. Right Now" will scramble that invisible beacon and open the force field for romance?

I would like to think that matters of the heart are a little less predictable than that, and perhaps there is still a chance that the right one is out there looking for me.  I can just imagine him sitting in a coffee bar somewhere on the other side of the city.. pondering the exact same thing.. or maybe he is on the other side of this coffee bar..  somewhere on the other side of the fireplace...

I have faith that what is meant to be, will be and in the meanwhile.. I will have as much fun as humanly possible!

If I have learned anything from my niece Jessica's story.. is that life is way too short to settle for less than you deserve... and at the very least why not have a ton of fun while you’re waiting?