Part 3 - Food...
I love to cook... that is a phrase I never thought I would say.. but I really do love to cook!
Pre-Marchesini, I really didn't enjoy cooking. I think part of it was that I almost always felt like crap. But I think part of it was also that I was afraid of food to a certain extent. Food was my enemy.. and even though I had a few signature type dishes, I didn't get excited about cooking.
Now.. I am a HUGE foodie! I have learned a lot about food, cooking techniques, flavor, control, experimentation, variety... especially variety.
I now grow my own fruits & vegetables (in the little space I have). I (hopefully) grow carrots, zucchini, cucumbers, tomatoes, radishes, beets, parsnips, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and a wide variety of herbs (Basil, dill, rosemary, catnip, chives, parsley, sage, oregano & thyme). I say "hopefully" because some of those vegetables haven't grown to the point of harvest yet BUT they are getting there. So far this year we have had about a dozen radishes, 2 cherry tomatoes, at least a cup of raspberries, a few strawberries and nearly enough herbs to last the winter if I dry them. I am excited about the garden. I get such a rush from knowing that I put something in the ground and it grew.. and then I could eat it. So amazing!
My dream is that in my next house, I have a proper garden with a greenhouse! I am really interested in the idea of growing as much of my own food as I can in the summer (I am not really that keen on canning and preserving for the winter just yet) but I also really love the idea of the 100 mile challenge. I think everyone needs to stop relying on convenience foods and processed foods and we really should be buying food as local to us as possible. Why don't we support our neighbors? I was so mad in Co-op the other day because they didn't have any potatoes from Canada. All were imported from the USA. A few weeks ago I went to a free pork sandwich lunch offered by the Canadian Pork Producers. They were creating awareness that we need to buy Canadian pork because the pork producers here are really struggling. You can imagine the trickle effect. Less pork production = fewer pigs = fewer pigs to feed = farmers producing pig feed getting fewer orders etc... Canadian pork is perfectly safe to eat and it is a delicious and lean meat as well! (Depending on the cut). Anyway... my rant is.. When you are shopping for anything, know where it comes from and really try to buy as local as possible! (stepping down from soapbox now)
On a side note, I am excited about an organic beef farm I am becoming familiar with. I bought oxtails and beef soup bones from him last month and the quality was incredible so I have placed another order and he will bring it to the McKenzie Towne Farmer's Market!
I've been thinking a lot about my life and what I am passionate about and I realized that a big part of my passion is food (No, really!). I don't want to be a chef, but I think I am a good cook so I want to do something about it. So, I have decided to start really building my recipe repertoire. I am perfecting my favourite recipes and inventing some new ones based on some of the flavors I love. I have an angle I want to use and I think I have a really good idea that could make a really cool cookbook. I am hoping one day to get this cookbook published but quite frankly I think the research and experimentation will be all the fun! I have already started to experiment and I am really excited.
Unfortunately, with me wanting to cook ALL the time, poor Lauren never gets to cook. I have made it clear that all she needs to do is tell me she wants to cook and I will back off.. I have also let her know that some of her signature recipes should go into the cookbook as well.. but for supper, if I don't hear anything at least the night before, I am making plans in my head. I do tend to think about suppertime a whole day in advance but you kind of have to.. Whether it be taking something out of the freezer or using up leftovers, you need to have an idea of what you are going to have without being rigid and unflexible. We are really trying to use up all the stuff we have in the fridge/freezer.
Anyway.. thats about it for now. I am excited about everything.. Family, my future and food! Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Family, Future and Food... Part 2 (Future)
Part 2 - Future...
I have had a lot to think about regarding my future. I can't help but think ahead. I do that a lot but now that I have Neil in my life and with all the changes I have made over the past 2 years (Happy 2 year Surgiversary to me! 2 years on July 24th), I have this extreme desire to plan my future. Besides the obvious planning of a life with Neil, I am also thinking about one day having kids and moving into a bigger place with more bedrooms. A lot to think about! I am not worried at all. I know that what is meant to be, will be. As much as I think about my future with Neil and about a future family etc.. I feel somewhat like I need to pull back on the reigns of my brain. I am so used to being 100% in control of my destiny that I tend to map out things as the sole participant.. now I have other influences and a partner to consider. Someone who gets to share in a lot of those decisions.
Another thing I have been really spending a lot of time and energy thinking about, is my career. I am not 100% working in the role that I feel best fits my skills and I really miss working on a team of people who collaborate and share ideas with me. Being the only Tech Writer in the company is a lonely job. I wish I was at least a part of the communications department so I would be able to share in the creative energy pool. No offense to any accountants out there but it is hard to have my brain within a team of people that do all the things I was terrible at in High School! Mind ya, my actual team consists of me and my boss and he is on the other side of the country so technically my "team" that I refer to above is another team I tend to tag along with lol.
As part of this soul search and potential aspirations career-wise I am thinking about what I really love to do and what I really want to do in the future. When I have children I need to be able to take maternity leave or afford the time off anyway. It all fits together in a mishmash of what is practical vs. my aspirations. Again I am positive that whatever is meant to happen, will and of course everything always works out in the end.
This weekend I am going camping with Lauren, Neil and my Dad. I haven't been camping with my dad in a long time and I am really excited! He is a master camper and this is also the first camping trip post-Marchesini (after surgery) :)
On a side note, I have been thinking about potentially collecting and perfecting recipes to write a cookbook but I will touch on that in Part 3.
I have had a lot to think about regarding my future. I can't help but think ahead. I do that a lot but now that I have Neil in my life and with all the changes I have made over the past 2 years (Happy 2 year Surgiversary to me! 2 years on July 24th), I have this extreme desire to plan my future. Besides the obvious planning of a life with Neil, I am also thinking about one day having kids and moving into a bigger place with more bedrooms. A lot to think about! I am not worried at all. I know that what is meant to be, will be. As much as I think about my future with Neil and about a future family etc.. I feel somewhat like I need to pull back on the reigns of my brain. I am so used to being 100% in control of my destiny that I tend to map out things as the sole participant.. now I have other influences and a partner to consider. Someone who gets to share in a lot of those decisions.
Another thing I have been really spending a lot of time and energy thinking about, is my career. I am not 100% working in the role that I feel best fits my skills and I really miss working on a team of people who collaborate and share ideas with me. Being the only Tech Writer in the company is a lonely job. I wish I was at least a part of the communications department so I would be able to share in the creative energy pool. No offense to any accountants out there but it is hard to have my brain within a team of people that do all the things I was terrible at in High School! Mind ya, my actual team consists of me and my boss and he is on the other side of the country so technically my "team" that I refer to above is another team I tend to tag along with lol.
As part of this soul search and potential aspirations career-wise I am thinking about what I really love to do and what I really want to do in the future. When I have children I need to be able to take maternity leave or afford the time off anyway. It all fits together in a mishmash of what is practical vs. my aspirations. Again I am positive that whatever is meant to happen, will and of course everything always works out in the end.
This weekend I am going camping with Lauren, Neil and my Dad. I haven't been camping with my dad in a long time and I am really excited! He is a master camper and this is also the first camping trip post-Marchesini (after surgery) :)
On a side note, I have been thinking about potentially collecting and perfecting recipes to write a cookbook but I will touch on that in Part 3.
Family, Future and Food... Part 1 (Family) 243lbs = -223!!
I have a lot of things to talk about so I am going to break this up into 3 sections as indicated by the subject line :)
Part 1 - Family...
We scattered June's ashes this weekend. On Saturday. I have never experienced anything like that. It was absolutely gorgeous! As we were driving, I thought.. where could we possibly go that would be nice enough for her ashes?? It was nice countryside but nothing majestic... and then we hit a gravel road which became a dirt road which nearly became a dirt path. The road had deep gouges carved out of it and at times, it felt like we were really offroading! I was completely blown away when clouds of butterflies parted as we werent along our way. Beautiful!!! After well over an hour (or two) of driving, we get to the end of the road which led to a forest fire lookout (i believe).
When we pulled up to the spot, a field of wildflowers greeted us. Flies and butterflies and honeybees and pretty much every other insect was there as well.. a natural utopia. I was busy snapping photos of any butterfly or flower I could while my dad scoped out the perfect spot.. and it was perfect indeed. After a very short walk through some trees, we came across a cliff with large shale boulders. It overlooked a beautiful green valley filled with trees and rolling hills. The spot itself seemed to have been a resting place for others as well since names, dates and nicknames were carved into the stone. It was absolutely stunning!
My dad, Lauren and I each took turns reading a page which was given to us by the pastor of my dad's church. We began with some bible passages and June's favourite.. we then said a prayer and as I read the words for the burial/cremation ceremony, my dad released the ashes. The wind was in our favour and the ashes were swept up and away. After the release, my dad carved June's name and 2009 in the stone and Tamara carved a heart. June's daughter was really happy with the place my dad chose I think.
It was so nice.
Incidentally I got a sunburn and on the way back to Claresholm, Mizu got a nail in the tire and we had to drive back to Lethbridge going 80km/h in a 110 zone. After all the repairs on my car this year, I am tired of the issues. The tire only cost $45 luckily. Sigh. I had only been driving Mizu for less than a week before this happened too.. bleh!
I have definitely had my struggles with family. Some of my closest relationships are with people I consider family but who aren't related to me by blood. When I was a child, I honestly thought at one point that my entire reason for living, the reason for my existence, was to mend the gap in my family and bring everyone together again. It was torture for me to see our family lose touch and for people to be fighting. I never understood it but as I grew up, I began to realize that we can try and influence the situation but people can only change their own behaviour.. toss in some hormones, medical conditions, alcohol and circumstance and you have a recipe for a bit mess. I think once I realized I couldn't fix the family, I realized that i needed to stop worrying about them and worry more about me. Fortunately and unfortunately I have a terrible memory so I have forgotten a lot of the bad stuff but anything I haven't had closure on is still gnawing away at me... I don't know what it is or why, but I know it is there. It sucks. It is good because I forget the bad stuff but when I forget, I can't ever get the closure I need.
I think that part of my selfishness also expects that the adults in my family take care of themselves when they can and work to overcome issues when they need to. This to me, is common sense.. I also expect people to work on issues with eachother and not just let them stew and get worse.. of course that doesn't happen :/ I have no patience for people continually complaining about a problem they could be working towards fixing. In a way I don't mind feeling that way but I also feel a little guilty. I wish I had more patience.. I think I need to find a balance between patience and compassion, and feeling like I will be taken advantage of.. I need to be able to trust.
For now, I will focus on building my own family and maintaining the close relationships I do have. I have decided to focus on my life and on me... as selfish as that sounds, I think it is about time that I focus on living my life. (I will touch on this more in part 2)
Part 1 - Family...
We scattered June's ashes this weekend. On Saturday. I have never experienced anything like that. It was absolutely gorgeous! As we were driving, I thought.. where could we possibly go that would be nice enough for her ashes?? It was nice countryside but nothing majestic... and then we hit a gravel road which became a dirt road which nearly became a dirt path. The road had deep gouges carved out of it and at times, it felt like we were really offroading! I was completely blown away when clouds of butterflies parted as we werent along our way. Beautiful!!! After well over an hour (or two) of driving, we get to the end of the road which led to a forest fire lookout (i believe).
When we pulled up to the spot, a field of wildflowers greeted us. Flies and butterflies and honeybees and pretty much every other insect was there as well.. a natural utopia. I was busy snapping photos of any butterfly or flower I could while my dad scoped out the perfect spot.. and it was perfect indeed. After a very short walk through some trees, we came across a cliff with large shale boulders. It overlooked a beautiful green valley filled with trees and rolling hills. The spot itself seemed to have been a resting place for others as well since names, dates and nicknames were carved into the stone. It was absolutely stunning!
My dad, Lauren and I each took turns reading a page which was given to us by the pastor of my dad's church. We began with some bible passages and June's favourite.. we then said a prayer and as I read the words for the burial/cremation ceremony, my dad released the ashes. The wind was in our favour and the ashes were swept up and away. After the release, my dad carved June's name and 2009 in the stone and Tamara carved a heart. June's daughter was really happy with the place my dad chose I think.
It was so nice.
Incidentally I got a sunburn and on the way back to Claresholm, Mizu got a nail in the tire and we had to drive back to Lethbridge going 80km/h in a 110 zone. After all the repairs on my car this year, I am tired of the issues. The tire only cost $45 luckily. Sigh. I had only been driving Mizu for less than a week before this happened too.. bleh!
I have definitely had my struggles with family. Some of my closest relationships are with people I consider family but who aren't related to me by blood. When I was a child, I honestly thought at one point that my entire reason for living, the reason for my existence, was to mend the gap in my family and bring everyone together again. It was torture for me to see our family lose touch and for people to be fighting. I never understood it but as I grew up, I began to realize that we can try and influence the situation but people can only change their own behaviour.. toss in some hormones, medical conditions, alcohol and circumstance and you have a recipe for a bit mess. I think once I realized I couldn't fix the family, I realized that i needed to stop worrying about them and worry more about me. Fortunately and unfortunately I have a terrible memory so I have forgotten a lot of the bad stuff but anything I haven't had closure on is still gnawing away at me... I don't know what it is or why, but I know it is there. It sucks. It is good because I forget the bad stuff but when I forget, I can't ever get the closure I need.
I think that part of my selfishness also expects that the adults in my family take care of themselves when they can and work to overcome issues when they need to. This to me, is common sense.. I also expect people to work on issues with eachother and not just let them stew and get worse.. of course that doesn't happen :/ I have no patience for people continually complaining about a problem they could be working towards fixing. In a way I don't mind feeling that way but I also feel a little guilty. I wish I had more patience.. I think I need to find a balance between patience and compassion, and feeling like I will be taken advantage of.. I need to be able to trust.
For now, I will focus on building my own family and maintaining the close relationships I do have. I have decided to focus on my life and on me... as selfish as that sounds, I think it is about time that I focus on living my life. (I will touch on this more in part 2)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
All these wonderful things… love, food and adventure! 247lbs (-219)
I am sitting next to two of my favorite people in the whole world. Ok so I have a lot of favorites but I have to say that I feel really fortunate to be surrounded by such amazing individuals.
Lauren has been there for me, with me for a long time now. She is one of the few people that has been there for me unconditionally, has been my rock when I needed her and has been just amazingly supportive.. and she keeps on being this person… this truly wonderful woman!
And Neil… How can I even explain how shocked I am that I not only found this incredible man to inflate my heart to a whole new level that I didn’t know was possible, but that it actually happened to me… TO ME!!! I would have bet my life savings that I would have been a single cat lady my whole life… I didn’t think it was in the cards for me. Somehow I always knew things would be wonderful for me, but in the same sense, I didn’t think it would include someone as incredible as Neil.
I can gush about these two all night and I probably will, but you need to realize that since July 24, 2007, my life has completely changed. Ok so I still have the same house and job, but those were the only things that ever changed with me before. Now THEY are stable and everything else has changed. I have a whole new body and I get to experience life in a whole new way. I have new challenges of course, but they make me love my life!
I have a new man in my life and I am going to keep calling him my new man until someone gets it into my thick skull that I am not dreaming. That he is really here in my life and I didn’t just imagine him. I think one of the things that makes this situation so unbelievable is that he is a snapshot of everything I have ever asked for, ever wished for, ever dreamed about.. and then a little bit more!
And then back to Lauren… throughout all of this SHE is the MOST supportive person of my relationship with Neil. No jealousy or bitterness or anything else that I would actually accept as reaction considering how long she and I have been living together and sharing adventures together. It sounds like I expected her to be bitter or jealous and that is not at all the case, I am just saying that I would have been fine with that in her case because she and I have been so close and our lives so intertwined. She even made a comment to me that if Neil and I are not still a couple in 50 years, she would be pissed at me because she thinks he is that incredible and that we make such a great couple. That says a lot and coming from her, that means SO MUCH to me!
My heart is so full now and I had no idea it could get fuller. I feel myself falling deeper for Neil every day and even though it seems so incredibly scary that we have only been together 15 weeks, I feel like I have known him my whole life. Quite frankly I don’t give a damn how long it has been because it feels so perfect. So right. And my instincts are loud and clear that he is THE ONE!
I know he will read this blog (Hi Neil!) and I know Lauren will read it too (Hi Laur! :)) but I am not worried that Neil will know exactly how strongly I feel because we have been really clear with each other from Day 1 what our expectations are, what we want from the relationship and where we see it heading. I am living my life for today and even though I am thinking many years in advance with a general feeling of where I want to be (and who I want to be with) I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying it. As far as discussing our future, I think the fact that we're headed in the same direction is exactly the point. If anything is meant to be, it will be… and even though it may be challenging, the good things will come easily.
So as I am sitting between Laur and Neil, I count my blessings and thank what ever higher being is responsible for creating this joy in my life.
In the grand scheme of things, I have had a lot of shit in my life. I apologize for the expletive but for any of you who has read my blog from day one, just the past few years has contained a lot of crap and then multiply that by childhood crap, teenage crap, young adult crap, relationship crap, health crap, money crap, job crap etc… (I could go on and on and on as you can see)… With all that in mind I think i deserve this. I think I have earned this. I think that I am exactly where I should be and I don’t think I have had anything come “easy” to me. Neil has come into my life after more than a decade of being single… yes.. MORE than a decade and before that decade, I never met a man so amazing! So as lucky and blessed as I feel, I think that I am due for some love, some happiness and some greatness in my life and I damn well expect things to keep getting better.
This year I get to look forward to going with Neil to England and finally meeting his family. To see where he comes from. A whole new chapter in our relationship and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
As for Lauren, my only real wish for her is that she find the kind of love that I have found because she deserves it too. I have no doubt that she will find that in her life.. when the time is right… but until then, I remain her sister, her best friend, her buddy! And she will never be the third wheel in my relationship with Neil because she is equal and we both adore her!
So I leave you with a whole lot of rambling and I thank you for getting this far! I hope you all have a wonderful summer and an amazing July!
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