What a week so far. What a month!
March has been so crazy in general. Between acting classes and choir and friends and family, it has been eventful. I've enjoyed it for the most part though!
As the month has sped on, I have learned that I do have patience in some cases. When I don't have control over a situation I allow myself the patience to wait it out.. but when I am in control, I let my lack of patience move things along more quickly.
For example, I have been emailing this guy for hmm 5 weeks? now. Had I known he was out of town from the beginning it would have been a different scenario but since I found out 2 weeks in, I had to catch up my patience to the situation at hand..
So now, 5 weeks in.. we are both back in town and I am ready to meet face to face.. anxious actually.. I don't even get what is going on with me this time around because back in my early 20's I met tons of people online and never cared whether or not I met them face to face.. now though, it feels awkward to be talking to a potential "date" online having not met face to face yet..
Maybe I am just growing up, maybe I am just getting serious about finding the real thing.. the long term thing.. or maybe I am just impatient now.. but I am ready to step out from behind the computer and look into his eyes and see what is really there.. in the flesh...
This guy though, seems like a really great person and even if we don't have a physical attraction once we meet in person, I know I would really want to remain friends with him. He's far from perfect but I don't care about perfect.. imperfect for one person could be completely perfect for me.. We'll have to see.
So enough about boys...
I went into work on Monday and found out my boss had a heart attack or something related to his heart and is in the hospital and it is undetermined when he will return.. that sucks.. he is such a great boss!!! I am sending healing happy thoughts his way though.
I finished my acting class on Saturday.. last class of that 6 week stretch.. I am taking a break now to focus on choir.. I need to improve with my singing, focus on my breathing and get those high notes. 1st soprano is a lot of pressure.. especially when only 2 of us show up at a practice!!!
I have my tapes from acting and I can't believe how much I have improved in the past 6 weeks! Amazing! I hope I see that kind of growth in my singing. That reminds me.. I've decided my ultimate acting dream is to have a role (maybe Mrs. Lovett) in the Sweeney Todd play or a similar role in another musical play. I think it would be so much fun! Challenging and rewarding all at the same time!
Anyway, I am leaving work early today for an appointment. I am very fortunate to have such flexibility.
I'll keep you all updated :)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
March 14, 2008 The little things... -142
I meant to post this 2 weeks ago but must have forgotten!
Sometimes, it is the little things.. the things that can be overlooked so easily, that make such a big impact on my day. A couple of days ago, I parked downtown in my usual spot and there was this Canada Goose just sitting there honking away.. such a beautiful creature. A yellow schoolbus drove by and honked at it.. the bus sounded just like the goose lol! It was just so content there, almost greeting everyone as they walked by saying.. spring is near.. spring is near!
Then, this morning, i was on my way to work and while driving along Deerfoot trail, there was a really dirty van.. and in the back window, someone drew a perfect Hagar the Horrible in the dirt!!! I laughed so hard and was so impressed! That made my morning!
I've been in a good mood lately too! I have started talking to a guy that has much dating potential and that has me really excited.
As of this morning, I am down 142lbs.. that is -6 this week! I feel fantastic!
Sometimes, it is the little things.. the things that can be overlooked so easily, that make such a big impact on my day. A couple of days ago, I parked downtown in my usual spot and there was this Canada Goose just sitting there honking away.. such a beautiful creature. A yellow schoolbus drove by and honked at it.. the bus sounded just like the goose lol! It was just so content there, almost greeting everyone as they walked by saying.. spring is near.. spring is near!
Then, this morning, i was on my way to work and while driving along Deerfoot trail, there was a really dirty van.. and in the back window, someone drew a perfect Hagar the Horrible in the dirt!!! I laughed so hard and was so impressed! That made my morning!
I've been in a good mood lately too! I have started talking to a guy that has much dating potential and that has me really excited.
As of this morning, I am down 142lbs.. that is -6 this week! I feel fantastic!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Death, dreaming, dating and a new tattoo!
I am in a funk today. A cloudy head, distracted, disoriented funk.
I had an experience yesterday that scared me to death...
I was driving to work. My usual route. 52nd street to 72nd Ave to Barlow Trail to Deerfoot to Memorial..
I was at the light at 52nd and 72nd and the guy in front of me turned left and I thought .. "I have enough time" so I stepped on the gas pedal and at that second, my gut got tense and I thought..
Oh Shit... I am not going to make it.
A big truck was just flying towards me and doing far faster than I had anticipated.. and I did make it.. obviously.. but it rattled my back end and immediately afterward, I thought to myself..
What if I am dead??
Ok so I know it was only a movie but we all saw in Sixth Sense how he had no idea he was dead for quite a while after.. just going through his day... oblivious. All movies stem from ideas which could stem from real experiences.. but thats another blog.
So the whole trip to work I was in this daze.. what if.. what if I was dead and just going through the motions.. and then I felt it.. a twinge of pain from my wrist.. my tattoo was hurting.. and at that moment I had the clarification that I wasn't dead. I figure you don't feel pain after you're dead. Even still, my day was cloudy and just generally hazy.
Today I definitely feel hazy too. I am going to take the afternoon off. I will go and get my car washed, do-it-myself. It gives me a sense of accomplishment :) I am listening to my mp3 player on random. I let the universe choose what I need to hear.. so far I have listened to a NIN song, Nsync and 2 Whitney Houston songs about love... oi.
So let me recap this week.. Tuesday I went Speed Dating. 25dates.com. I had fun. The food was good. The guys were much older than I was hoping...but it was a good time..
I got the email yesterday.. no matches.
So I get to go to another event for free. They offered me the same age group in April but I asked if I could go to the event March 11th. The age range of the original one was women 30-40 and men 35-45. The March 11th event is women and men 25-35. Never anything middle ground for us 30 somethings...
Wednesday, I got my tattoo. As planned, two wavy lines on my inner left wrist. I love it. It is outlined in black and then shaded in purple with a white line in the middle. Right now it looks fake. It is scabbing over so it looks like a fabric sticker I put on my wrist. Adam did a great job though. I love it. I will likely have to get the color touched up in 6 weeks just to make sure it is perfect.
Thursday was dinner with Alice and Choir. I have decided to stick with 1st Soprano. I was having second thoughts because I haven't been able to hit all the notes but I figure I have been sick so I may as well give myself a real chance.. besides, I can fake it if necessary ;P Dinner with Alice was good. I enjoyed my bunless hamburger and calamari.. My virgin caesar was too spicy though.
Oh! I booked an appointment with Goodlife Fitness in McKenzie Towne about a membership! I am excited about that!
I had a really creepy dream last night. I dreamed that Lauren and I were at home, sitting there doing whatever.. and two older men somehow managed to open our living room winddow.
Naturally Lauren got up and closed/locked the window but they then went to the back door which was of course unlocked. Before we could lock the door, these two very large men come into the kitchen. One of them has a ladle!!! So I grab the ladle and start hitting him over the head with it but of course it doesn't even phase him and he takes the abuse. Then his friend pulls out a pencil.. you know one of those gag pencils that is like a wooden stake? like 1/2 an inch in diameter...
Anyway.. these guys didn't seem to want anything, they just kept trying to provoke me.. They let me get the pencil away and then barely fought when I tried to stab one of them with it.. Well, one starts bleeding a bit and the other grabs the pencil and stabs himself in the stomach. He starts to bleed everywhere.. could only think to say "Well I guess we are getting a new couch!
Turns out, the men were dying so they wanted someone to kill them in self defence I told Lauren to call 911 but next thing I know, she is on the phone with 911's HR dept. So weird.
I had an experience yesterday that scared me to death...
I was driving to work. My usual route. 52nd street to 72nd Ave to Barlow Trail to Deerfoot to Memorial..
I was at the light at 52nd and 72nd and the guy in front of me turned left and I thought .. "I have enough time" so I stepped on the gas pedal and at that second, my gut got tense and I thought..
Oh Shit... I am not going to make it.
A big truck was just flying towards me and doing far faster than I had anticipated.. and I did make it.. obviously.. but it rattled my back end and immediately afterward, I thought to myself..
What if I am dead??
Ok so I know it was only a movie but we all saw in Sixth Sense how he had no idea he was dead for quite a while after.. just going through his day... oblivious. All movies stem from ideas which could stem from real experiences.. but thats another blog.
So the whole trip to work I was in this daze.. what if.. what if I was dead and just going through the motions.. and then I felt it.. a twinge of pain from my wrist.. my tattoo was hurting.. and at that moment I had the clarification that I wasn't dead. I figure you don't feel pain after you're dead. Even still, my day was cloudy and just generally hazy.
Today I definitely feel hazy too. I am going to take the afternoon off. I will go and get my car washed, do-it-myself. It gives me a sense of accomplishment :) I am listening to my mp3 player on random. I let the universe choose what I need to hear.. so far I have listened to a NIN song, Nsync and 2 Whitney Houston songs about love... oi.
So let me recap this week.. Tuesday I went Speed Dating. 25dates.com. I had fun. The food was good. The guys were much older than I was hoping...but it was a good time..
I got the email yesterday.. no matches.
So I get to go to another event for free. They offered me the same age group in April but I asked if I could go to the event March 11th. The age range of the original one was women 30-40 and men 35-45. The March 11th event is women and men 25-35. Never anything middle ground for us 30 somethings...
Wednesday, I got my tattoo. As planned, two wavy lines on my inner left wrist. I love it. It is outlined in black and then shaded in purple with a white line in the middle. Right now it looks fake. It is scabbing over so it looks like a fabric sticker I put on my wrist. Adam did a great job though. I love it. I will likely have to get the color touched up in 6 weeks just to make sure it is perfect.
Thursday was dinner with Alice and Choir. I have decided to stick with 1st Soprano. I was having second thoughts because I haven't been able to hit all the notes but I figure I have been sick so I may as well give myself a real chance.. besides, I can fake it if necessary ;P Dinner with Alice was good. I enjoyed my bunless hamburger and calamari.. My virgin caesar was too spicy though.
Oh! I booked an appointment with Goodlife Fitness in McKenzie Towne about a membership! I am excited about that!
I had a really creepy dream last night. I dreamed that Lauren and I were at home, sitting there doing whatever.. and two older men somehow managed to open our living room winddow.
Naturally Lauren got up and closed/locked the window but they then went to the back door which was of course unlocked. Before we could lock the door, these two very large men come into the kitchen. One of them has a ladle!!! So I grab the ladle and start hitting him over the head with it but of course it doesn't even phase him and he takes the abuse. Then his friend pulls out a pencil.. you know one of those gag pencils that is like a wooden stake? like 1/2 an inch in diameter...
Anyway.. these guys didn't seem to want anything, they just kept trying to provoke me.. They let me get the pencil away and then barely fought when I tried to stab one of them with it.. Well, one starts bleeding a bit and the other grabs the pencil and stabs himself in the stomach. He starts to bleed everywhere.. could only think to say "Well I guess we are getting a new couch!
Turns out, the men were dying so they wanted someone to kill them in self defence I told Lauren to call 911 but next thing I know, she is on the phone with 911's HR dept. So weird.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Still -136, dating, acting & nightmares... not necessarily in that order!
I am going speed dating tonight. I am feeling sort of crappy today so I hope by the time the guys start making their way to my table, I will feel more myself..
I finally found someone on Lavalife who seems to be really interesting. Nice, attractive, open etc.. but here is where the process screeches to a halt.. we've talked online for several days now.. in email. Now is when I need to meet him in person. Before the illusions created behind the wall of the Internet become reality. I need to see if this person that seems like a good catch turns out to be exactly who he has been in email. He has my number and I have his. I have given the suggestion that we meet. Now the ball is in his court and whether or not this "potentially good catch" turns out to truly be a really good catch. He is 39. 5' 10?". His birthday is the day before mine. We have some things in common but not a ton. Enough to keep things interesting. So we will see how the in-person meeting goes.. if it goes...
My experience on eHarmony and Lavalife have been very discouraging. It is hard to not make the generalization that men are shallow. It is also very interesting that every guy lists all these sporting and hardcore fitness activities but seem to have no soul. They spend 100% of their free time working out.. who wants that? No other interests or hobbies than fitness. Don't get me wrong, I am all about a healthy lifestyle now.. but there is something to be said for balance!! Well I am sure they do have souls but aren't there any NORMAL guys out there? Most don't bother to even try once they see my photos.
It is definitely tough to be rejected on appearance alone. At the same time though, I wonder where all these fantastic guys are.. obviously not doing online dating..
so... After much deliberation, I decided to cancel both my eHarmony and Lavalife memberships. I didn't actually intend on continuing the Lavalife for the paid month but they billed me automatically so I had to go with it. If this thing works out with this guy I met on there, it will have been worth it for sure. At the very least I am sure I have met a friend!
I am taking tonight's speed dating session with an ounce of caution. I know now from my last experience that even having a great conversation with someone doesn't get you through that snap judgement on appearance. I had
some really inspired and interesting conversations with some of the guys at the last speed dating event.. and not one matched me... so weird... so telling...
I think the part that frustrates me the most, is that I know in a year or 2, after plastics and stuff, I will have the mind AND the body.. and I want to find someone BEFORE I get to that point because I want someone who wants me for more than just my body... and me looking all hot n stuff in the long term will be like a bonus for him for sticking with me through it.. but I can't/won't go telling potential dates these facts because not only does it defeat the purpose, but how do I explain it all? Does "he" (he being any guy with potential) even care? Will my history and my future seem too complicated or too challenging? Naturally I think I am worth the effort but how does someone else know I am worth the effort?
I went to bed a bit earlier than usual last night. I was pumped to get a bit of extra sleep... but then at 3:30 in the morning, I woke up from a nightmare. The stupid thing is, the nightmare wasn't even a nightmare!! I was scared over nothing!!! I dreamed I was in a parkade and it was night and fairly dim. I went into the stairwell and a homeless guy was talking to a pile of clothes or something.. then I get to the door of the level my SUV is on and there are 2 or 3 guys in hoodies that seem shifty.. when I come out of the door, they start walking towards me so I start screaming "HELP" "HELP"! and they walk right by me into the stairwell I came from! So I walk to my car, unlock it, get in, close the door... and before I have the chance to lock it, I wake up all freaked out.. like what the heck does that mean? When I opened my eyes, I was seeing all these funny outlines.. they wouldn't go away until I turned the light on.. weird. So I ended up getting back to sleep around 4 and then the alarm went off at 5:30 as if I had just closed my eyes. So annoying!
Anyway.. I also got a HUGE compliment in my acting class on Saturday. Joe-Norman Shaw is my instructor. He's a very interesting and very talented guy. Very respected. Anyway.. after I did my scene twice, he gave me some direction about how to approach it and in the end he said something to the effect of "I have nothing more to say, sometimes you have to let the actor do their thing and there is nothing you should change, but I take credit for the direction I gave of course!" lol. Such a compliment!! I watched the tape Sunday night and even I liked my performance!! :P So the pressure is on for next weekend.. I need to get my lines memorized!
Tomorrow I get my tattoo! I am excited and nervous. Not convinced my wrist is the best location. I'll update with the result of everything above this weekend maybe.
I finally found someone on Lavalife who seems to be really interesting. Nice, attractive, open etc.. but here is where the process screeches to a halt.. we've talked online for several days now.. in email. Now is when I need to meet him in person. Before the illusions created behind the wall of the Internet become reality. I need to see if this person that seems like a good catch turns out to be exactly who he has been in email. He has my number and I have his. I have given the suggestion that we meet. Now the ball is in his court and whether or not this "potentially good catch" turns out to truly be a really good catch. He is 39. 5' 10?". His birthday is the day before mine. We have some things in common but not a ton. Enough to keep things interesting. So we will see how the in-person meeting goes.. if it goes...
My experience on eHarmony and Lavalife have been very discouraging. It is hard to not make the generalization that men are shallow. It is also very interesting that every guy lists all these sporting and hardcore fitness activities but seem to have no soul. They spend 100% of their free time working out.. who wants that? No other interests or hobbies than fitness. Don't get me wrong, I am all about a healthy lifestyle now.. but there is something to be said for balance!! Well I am sure they do have souls but aren't there any NORMAL guys out there? Most don't bother to even try once they see my photos.
It is definitely tough to be rejected on appearance alone. At the same time though, I wonder where all these fantastic guys are.. obviously not doing online dating..
so... After much deliberation, I decided to cancel both my eHarmony and Lavalife memberships. I didn't actually intend on continuing the Lavalife for the paid month but they billed me automatically so I had to go with it. If this thing works out with this guy I met on there, it will have been worth it for sure. At the very least I am sure I have met a friend!
I am taking tonight's speed dating session with an ounce of caution. I know now from my last experience that even having a great conversation with someone doesn't get you through that snap judgement on appearance. I had
some really inspired and interesting conversations with some of the guys at the last speed dating event.. and not one matched me... so weird... so telling...
I think the part that frustrates me the most, is that I know in a year or 2, after plastics and stuff, I will have the mind AND the body.. and I want to find someone BEFORE I get to that point because I want someone who wants me for more than just my body... and me looking all hot n stuff in the long term will be like a bonus for him for sticking with me through it.. but I can't/won't go telling potential dates these facts because not only does it defeat the purpose, but how do I explain it all? Does "he" (he being any guy with potential) even care? Will my history and my future seem too complicated or too challenging? Naturally I think I am worth the effort but how does someone else know I am worth the effort?
I went to bed a bit earlier than usual last night. I was pumped to get a bit of extra sleep... but then at 3:30 in the morning, I woke up from a nightmare. The stupid thing is, the nightmare wasn't even a nightmare!! I was scared over nothing!!! I dreamed I was in a parkade and it was night and fairly dim. I went into the stairwell and a homeless guy was talking to a pile of clothes or something.. then I get to the door of the level my SUV is on and there are 2 or 3 guys in hoodies that seem shifty.. when I come out of the door, they start walking towards me so I start screaming "HELP" "HELP"! and they walk right by me into the stairwell I came from! So I walk to my car, unlock it, get in, close the door... and before I have the chance to lock it, I wake up all freaked out.. like what the heck does that mean? When I opened my eyes, I was seeing all these funny outlines.. they wouldn't go away until I turned the light on.. weird. So I ended up getting back to sleep around 4 and then the alarm went off at 5:30 as if I had just closed my eyes. So annoying!
Anyway.. I also got a HUGE compliment in my acting class on Saturday. Joe-Norman Shaw is my instructor. He's a very interesting and very talented guy. Very respected. Anyway.. after I did my scene twice, he gave me some direction about how to approach it and in the end he said something to the effect of "I have nothing more to say, sometimes you have to let the actor do their thing and there is nothing you should change, but I take credit for the direction I gave of course!" lol. Such a compliment!! I watched the tape Sunday night and even I liked my performance!! :P So the pressure is on for next weekend.. I need to get my lines memorized!
Tomorrow I get my tattoo! I am excited and nervous. Not convinced my wrist is the best location. I'll update with the result of everything above this weekend maybe.
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