Drama.. Drama.. everywhere.. -136!

What a month it has been! I started the month with as much drama as I am leaving it. Last weekend was Oscar weekend. It was also my second Essentials of Acting for TV and Movies class and it was also the weekend I FAINTED! for the first time!

Crazy!

Class was good. Much less stressful than I expected from the first class. I knew my lines and I think I delivered them fairly well considering I am brand new at this. I brought the VHS tape home and watched my performance.. not sure if I loved it.. I do have a lot to learn!

Saturday evening was even more dramatic.. I was at Brett's place with Janna and Lauren. I was prepping veggies for the Oscars party and relaxing in the house while Lauren and Janna worked on some shots for Janna's film class. I got a call to come out and help them with a couple of shots and so I was out there standing and suddenly I felt my face quiver and vibrate... I said "I feel like I am going to faint" and was the last thing I remembered. I was out cold.. I started dreaming immediately.. it was so vivid and colorful and fast paced and energetic of a dream. It was so relaxing.. so when I started to hear faint distant voices of Lauren calling my name and Janna asking if they need to call 911, I was startled and came to.. I remember thinking.. what the hell is going on .. what is the big deal.. I was sleeping here!!! And then I looked down and saw my muddy hands and realized I was outside on the ground at 9:30pm.. that is when I realized something was wrong and I got scared! I asked them to help me up right away and when I stood up, the ground under me was soaked! I was drenched with perspiration. I was taken inside right away and sat down, had some water etc..

I saw my doctor and he wasn't concerned. Neither was my chiropractor.. but neither seemed to know any reason why I went into REM immediately. Lauren and Janna saw my eyes going back and forth like they do in REM as well. No one seems to think that is normal to do when you faint but apparently it isn't a huge deal.

So I went ahead and booked an appointment with my sleep doctor to see if at the very least, he can give me some info on REM and why it might have happened or if he is concerned.

So Saturday was dramatic in many ways... then Sunday was oscars.. once again drama everywhere.. It was a great party Janna threw at Brett's new condo. I was still a bit out of it but overall it was ok.

I went to work Monday after my appointments and it felt like a write off. Tuesday was a busy day and Monday night I had Drama dreams.. I dreamed that John Travolta and Robin Williams quit acting and became consultants in Oil & Gas. Oi!

I have also become quite addicted to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack and look forward to seeing the movie again.

I also joined EHarmony this month.. So far no solid luck but I am going to be patient.

I go speed dating with Alice next Tuesday .. 25 dates.com so we will see how that goes.

Next Wednesday I get my tattoo! I will post pics when that is done. I am excited!

I am beat though.. time for some sleep!

Feb 15th, the aftermath.. and -131 if you're curious ;)

I took the leap and went out for dinner.. by myself.. on Valentine's Day.

I shook my head when I just typed that statement.. Partially because I knew exactly what would happen but just HAD to experience it.. and partially because I really didn't enjoy myself.

I picked the worst day to experiment with dining alone. I picked the day when almost all the tables were couples... Not just couples.. but couples in that place in life where they aren't over Valentines yet and still ask eachother what foods they liked best last time they were there.. a little overkill I think..

So I ate alone in a restaurant twice yesterday and the experience was similar for both..

I sat at a 4 person table. I had cutlery and other implements for 1 and I ate in awkward silence.

I played with my Palm Treo.. lost a game of solitaire (talk about cliche), I pretended to watch TV which was muted and 20 feet away.. and had football on it. I listened to every word that I could hear from every conversation around me.. I watched people come and go, pay with credit card and cash. I noticed the occasional glance at me which undoubtably had a hidden question of how

I could possibly have the ...(guts, nerve, desire)... to dine alone. I did get a synpathetic smile from a guy at the table next to me but I took that more as polite than thought out.

I paid my bill and went on my way.. deciding that I definitely was successful in breaching my comfort zone, proud that I had the guts to do it, but feeling like I really needed to be around people socializing. As much as I love silent observation, I prefer to socialize!

I then went off to my all female choir practice.. on Valentine's Day and was out of my comfort zone all over again but in a different way.

Saturday I start my second acting class. I am excited and ready for it! I will know at least 2 people in the class which is nice, and I will meet new people which I love!

Tonight, Sushi at Kinjo and the movie 'Definitely, Maybe'.. should be good times!

February 14th... not just another day...

I think that Valentines is one of those "special" days that really only means something to those that believe in it. Even though I am single, and virtually every single woman hates valentines day because it is a salt-in-wound day for them, I really just think it is another day created to give Hallmark and Flower shops more revenue.

Ok so I know thats not the true history behind Valentines Day, we all know St. Valentine never owned Hallmark but lets face facts, no one really celebrates St. Valentine anyway.

I say that I boycott Valentine's Day but that isn't entirely true. I think it is a money grab and I do think that it is overdone.. pink and red hearts everywhere... *gag*. If I was seeing someone, I would surely love to see some roses or something but you know, I'd like to get little tokens of appreciation like that any day of the year.

I am not sure how this came to be an idea but I decided that today, I would purposely spend time alone.. I went to breakfast alone and I will have dinner out.. alone.

I went to get my 6 month labs done.. a month late.. and since I was heading to work late anyway,

I decided to go for breakfast at Cora's.. alone..

I find it slightly amusing how people treat you when you tell them you are dining alone.. they say, "oh, just you then" and clear the other placemats/silverware from the table and when I asked for a newspaper.. she responded "Yes, I was going to ask".. really, the only reason I wanted a paper was to spare the other patrons from my analytical, judgemental stares ;)

I ate and enjoyed being alone.. it was empowering and relaxing. A bit boring.. granted.. but not painful or embarassing or anything like that.

So I decided to have dinner alone as well. I will go to Original Joe's or Globefish near the church my choir practice is held in. I will dine alone again on Valentine's day and I will enjoy it.

Besides.. I promised to stay as far out of my comfort zone this year as possible and I may as well start here.

What a fantasic birthday week! -129 by the way!

I learned a lot last weekend. I learned exactly how important calling is, when you can't actually attend something you've RSVP'd a yes for.

I learned that it really isn't cut and dry when someone gives you their phone number. I went through that whole thing (but from the flip side) last month not realizing the other side of the story but now I completely understand the ambiguity of getting a business card. People are so strange though.. I wish for a change that people would do as they say and say as they do. That what you observe is reality and not a false representation and I just wish wish wish that there were more genuine people in this world. I didn't think people gave their phone number out without actually wanting to be called but apparently that happens. Crazy.

I learned that you can feel completely self conscious but as long as you are genuinely happy, you can look like a million bucks. I also realized that having fantastic friends can make even the most ormal birthday seem like a landmark birthday.

I also learned that being successful at something is a lot easier when you don't doubt yourself. Not just because of the positive vs. negative energy, but because everyone is full of self doubt for one reason or another and we're all so busy worrying about being judged or failing ourselves that we admire when someone puts themselves out there 100% and goes for it!

I learned more stuff but as Frank would say.. my blogs are too long so I had better cut to the chase.

Last Thursday, Lauren and I went to Tony Roma's for my free birthday dinner.. and so began my birthday weekend! I love that birthday club!

Friday, Nancy took me to Lunchbox Theatre for lunch. It was a great play called 'Security' and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was also my first Lunchbox Theatre experience and I loved it! It turns out that my acting instructor is working on the play that is at Lunchbox Theatre Feb 18th! I have to check that one out.

After work, Lauren and I went to the nail salon and got new french gel nails. Really pretty looking but I wouldn't go back to that same place next time!

Saturday was busy! Lauren and I went to Cora's for breakfast. The breakfast was great as usual and they brought out an apple which was intricately carved to resemble a swan. They also had sparklers in it and raspberry sauce and english cream around the plate. YUM! They sang to us.. yes even my ex waiter crush sang to me.. the owners came by and wished me a happy birthday too. Great start to the day!

After breakie, Lauren and I went to the chiropractor and then to our Tattoo consultations.
I am getting mine in March and she will be getting hers late Feb! Debbie got me a gift certificate for my Tattoo for Christmas and I do really want to get it done. I have thought long and hard about it and I know exactly what I want. I asked for the Aquarius astrological symbol which is two wavy lines. I asked to have it done in purple which represents my birthstone amethyst. I decided on the aquarius symbol because there is a lot of constant change in my life and with getting back to the dating scene, acting classes, choir, not to mention weight loss, there is very little about me which stays the same.. but the one thing that will never change is my birthday.. I want the tattoo to keep me grounded and always remind me where I came from, what I have overcome and that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I am having it done on my inside left wrist so that I can see it whenever I want but so that I can wear a watch or bracelet to cover it if necessary..

After the tattoo consults, we went to the Witchery and met Alice there. Alice audited my acting class that day so we went together. My class was a lot of fun as it always is.. it was my last class for that particular course and next Saturday I start a new class... I liked having Alice there. It was cool sharing that with someone.

After class we went right to dinner at Ric's grill. It was a great restaurant choice to say the least. Our waiter Laurent was very charming and I enjoyed his super fliratious style. It was a good ego stroke for me and gave me a little extra boost I didn't necessarily need that night because I already felt on top of the world, but I very much appreciated. I had the most delicious rack of lamb and creme brule for dessert which was the icing on the cake so to speak. The waiter brought out my dessert and gave me a kiss on the cheek after singing happy birthday to me. He also gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek on the way out of the restaurant. I was definitely flattered. I am thankful to Debbie, Lauren, Nancy, Valerie, Alice, Janna, Kerry, Carrie and her friend for coming out.. I had a great time!

Sunday, I arranged for reservations to Smugglers for brunch. We went out and had some fantastic food and then went back to Deb's place for cake. A delicious cake from Yamato bakery. It was Raspberry Lycee mousse cake. YUM!

So the weekend was just wonderful. I felt fantastic, I had great fun, got to spend my birthday with people that meant a lot to me and I feel so lucky for having so many special people in my life!

AND... somehow, after all that food... cake... lamb... brunch... breakfast...

... I LOST 6 lbs between Friday and Monday, which puts me at a grand total loss of -129lbs!!!!!

Holy Shit!

Thanks for joining me on my journey!

Feb 4th Blog - better late than never!

I had a dream last night.

Everyone thought I had died in some tragic accident and rather than let everyone know I was ok, I went into hiding. I think I was hiding in an attic crawl space with a faux panel which I entered/exited from. It was strange because it was in a house that belonged to my family and many people who knew me and thought I was dead would come to visit periodically throughout the day but in general, I was able to roam the house freely. When a visitor came, I would hoist myself up into the crawl space in the attic and lay still. The two people (maybe family?) who were helping me hide would put the faux panel back in place and accept the visitor as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

So weird!

In part of the dream, I was looking through my wig collection to see how I could alter my appearance so that I could go out in public.

Now that I have dreamed about something like this, I question how anyone could live their life in hiding. That is no life at all! The thrill of the deception fades so quickly and suddenly you feel like a prisoner, except that you have placed yourself in the prison!

On to more normal things...

I had lost another 2 lbs up to the 25th of January. My total loss became 125 BUT.. since then, I regained another 3 lbs so my loss is back to 122. I am going to assume being sick was responsible for the big drop and perhaps the 3 lbs was a normal bounce back.

I went speed dating on the 26th. I had fun meeting new people and it was definitely an experience I won't regret.. but I was extremely disappointed. Most of the guys were shorter than me.. I am 5'83/4" and I know that odds are some of them would be shorter but it was really off balance. I GENEROUSLY said yes to 7 guys. I just thought being my first time that I would be open to whatever and let the chips fall as they may.. and I have to tell you I was SO RELIEVED when I got the email telling me there were NO matches! I had regrets when I went home that night.. Of the 7, I was hoping at least 5 or 6 didn't get my number!

I'd try speed dating again but not through calgaryspeeddating.com. I felt ripped off.. I paid $45 and drinks were NOT included, I met 10 guys and the hors d'ouvres were cheap. I'd rather pay more with another organization and have some guarantees! 25dates.com says they guarantee that if you don't get a match, the next speed dating session you go on is free. Thats fantastic because it shows they are trying to get you a match..

I am wiped right out! It seems I can't slow down! With my birthday coming up, I won't be able to slow down at all this next week either.

I went back to eating bread and pasta for a week or so and I already feel like complete crap again so I am back off of it.

I need to look into ways to improve my memory. I was hoping that weight loss would have had an immediate impact but I still have issues with memory..

I can memorize my lines for my acting class but I can't remember basic stuff like What channels on cable have which programs or names to faces.

I would love some feedback about memory conditioning if anyone has any suggestions!