Goals, Reflection and Mottos…

So I have been thinking a lot lately about where I am in my life.  Several years ago I set 5 goals for myself.  One was pretty minor.. (quit biting my fingernails) and one was completely out of my control (meet the love of my life) but the other 3 were pretty huge goals that I did have control over.  1) Quit Smoking 2) Find a career I love 3) lose weight. Ok so admittedly I still bite my nails ;P … BUT…

Some of these goals have been there my whole life and all of them have been on my list for more than 15 years.  So what happens when you have set 5 goals (some of which seemed impossible to achieve) and you actually achieve them?? You start over I suppose. Back to square one.  Back to the bottom of the uphill climb.

I think the hardest part of this whole process is keeping the momentum going, keeping things moving forward and keep growing as a person while dealing with the things I have already done.  For instance, I am now in an amazing relationship with Neil.  A relationship that I have waited for my whole life.  So I am growing and exploring my new relationship and loving every minute of it.  Meanwhile, I am still learning how to live my new life after having lost 1/2 of my body weight. 

Several years ago I established a career in Technical Writing. It was the first time I felt like I knew what I wanted to do with my life.  So here I am… a non-smoker, technical writer with an amazing boyfriend and finally healthy.. so now what?

Last year, rather than deal with my changing life, I jumped into choir and acting classes.  Rather than take time to get my life to a settled state again or to enjoy the changes I was experiencing, I kept stirring things up.  Now I am dealing with the repercussions.  So many things I should have finished/organized/sorted out a year ago are still waiting to be done. 

So I guess this is where my next set of goals comes into play. I need to think long and hard because things are shifting constantly. 

My life is like the ocean.. deep, full of all sorts of great (and often delicious) things and always moving.

I think I will make a few lists.  A few BIG goals (5 or 10 year span), a dozen moderate goals (within 5 years) and many really quick hit type goals that can go as short as a day or as long as a year.

Of course all of this is directly related to the reflection I am doing and need to do in my life.  Not only is my personal life a new and exciting but I am starting to realize that I am not as happy at work as I hoped I would be at this point. 

Even though I am working with the title that fits into my career goal, I am not doing the type of work in the type of environment that I need to be really fulfilled.  I work in the finance department and I really don’t fit in.  My direct office neighbors for the most part want nothing to do with me and since I don’t have any specific business reasons to be in constant contact with them, there is no reason for me to be included in anything.  I am the type of person that can work well independently but I need to have the feeling that I am part of a collaborative team.  I need to have people to bounce things off of and I need to have people willing to build relationships with me. I don’t know how I can change things in the company I am in.  I suspect there is a way but right now I feel completely helpless and a little overwhelmed. 

With that, there is the issue of Neil possibly needing to move to a new University in the next year. Right now, I am left completely unaware of what city we would move to, not to mention when it would happen.  If it would happen. I am a huge planner so I know that as soon as we have an idea, I will become a complete nutcase lol.  I am really nervous about that whole concept.  Leaving my family and friends to go someplace new with the man of my dreams.  Scary but exciting… Until Neil knows something, I am completely unsure of what will happen.

So, while I wait for the potential inevitable, I am going to get some education and really improve my skills.  I plan on taking my Business Analysis Certificate at Mount Royal University.  I started the program a while ago so some of it will be review but I am looking forward to learning something new!

My other “plan” is to just try and get/stay as connected as possible in my current job and do my best.  It doesn’t matter if people I work with don’t have any faith in my ability and it doesn’t matter that I have no team to build a relationship with.  I still have to work with integrity and try and make as much of a difference as I can.  I have been so miserable and it is somewhat known among my superiors so I have a fear of being laid off… I’ve noticed that it usually happens to people when they are most unhappy.  I hope that I am not laid off of course but whatever does happen will end up being positive because I have the ability to make it that way.

So this brings me to my Motto… I need a life motto.  I need one sentence that sums me up in a nutshell.  I have to ponder that.  Any thoughts???

I know this all seems a bit weird and somewhat negative but I am feeling really positive overall.  I am overwhelmed and a little out of my element but I am aware of it and working on it.  I don’t feel like I need advice… I just need time to create a plan for myself.  At least I have wonderful and amazing people in my life :)

So this is where I leave you.. Thanks for reading!

Being abroad and being half of the broad I used to be... (-233 which means 1/2 gone forever)

The trip to England was a whirlwind! I don't want to retell the story of every event in sequence so I will give a slightly "Reader's Digest" version. We went there as a surprise to Neil's mom. The rest of his family knew we were coming so we all conspired to surprise her.

It drove me nuts not being able to post on Facebook that I was off to Europe. Europe is a pretty big deal for me. I went to Germany and Denmark when I was in my early 20's and I thought I would never head out of the country again. Then of course I went to Brazil and that really started things off for me again. From there I ended up flying to Vancouver and Montreal and Toronto but I certainly did not think I would be going to England ever much less this year!

I felt instantly comfortable the second we arrived in England. Perhaps it is the association with Neil being born there or maybe it just proves it is all meant to be. Neil's family was amazing. I felt like one of the clan quickly and this is a little strange for me but I really felt like they were family immediately. I guess for me, that really proved how natural and honest and real Neil is. He is q00% his family and they are awesome too!

The day we surprised Neil's mom, we all went for a Family photo shoot and then to dinner at the Yew Tree Inn. The photo shoot was fun. I had always wanted to do something like that and I was honoured to be considered worthy of being included in the group family photo. Dinner was pretty cool. The food was homey and the portions were HUGE! The banoffee pie was very decadent and the family was a lot of fun! While in England we also went to a castle that was at one time owned by Neil's ancestors. Bodiam Castle was beautiful! Neil and I went in and walked around. We took photos and really had some special "us" time in there. There was one point where I was standing in the castle (most of it is exposed as it is really an outer shell with little for coverage) and I was thinking to myself.. this would be an amazing place to get married... and at that moment I looked down and saw the plaque that said "Chapel". That was a serious case of the warm fuzzies right there.

Neil's parents also took us to another town called Arundel where there was another castle but we didn't go in. We ended up spending our time there walking around the town and taking a walk along the river. It was a seriously amazing viewpoint of England and really epitomises what England is really like. We then went to a pub called the Black Rabbit and sat along the river at picnic tables and enjoyed a pint and lunch.

During the week Neil and I took two trips to seaside towns (Eastbourne and Brighton) & ate Fish and chips.. We also went to London for the day. I think the most time consuming aspect of sightseeing is the travel time. We spent 1 Hour 20 Minutes on the train to London and the same back to Polegate (the nearest station to his mom and dad's place). London was crazy and hectic.

We did a lot of shopping and ended up having a delicious dinner. We did have some not-so-good sushi and a mediocre lunch but in all, it was a great time! It really makes me want to go back and really take time to see some of the sights and visit the museums and galleries. We really only got a glimpse of the attractions in London so it would be so nice to be able to see more again. Luckily I am in this relationship for good so I foresee a lot more trips in the future.

Neil and I also spent some time in his town of Hailsham and bought candy to bring home etc.. I admittedly did way too much shopping on this trip and although Neil's sister-in-law to be has vowed to take me clothes shopping at Christmas, I am definitely going to plan on curbing my spending this time around!

So Neil and I head back to England for Christmas this year. We are flying out of Calgary on December 16th and we return on December 29th (just in time to recover for New Years Eve!) I expect this next trip to be as equally thrilling and I expect my relationship with Neil to never dull. I can't imagine life with Neil being anything but one amazing adventure after another.

Next year I plan on spending Christmas in Canada. I am hoping Neil's parents plan to come here for Christmas. Bottom line is that I want to be able to spend some Christmases with my family as well. I have some pretty important people in my really tiny family and they are important to me. I think we can compromise without any issues :)

When I got back from England I weighed myself and I was so excited that I could report that I am down to 233 which is exactly 1/2 of my highest weight of 466lbs! I am so glad Neil didn't have to know me in the pre-Marchesini era because I am so much happier now. I am just loving life now. As much as I thought I was before... It took all of my energy to make myself believe I was happy. Now, things come much easier. Every day I am amazed at how my life has turned around over the past 2 years and how much better my life is now. I marvel at how fortunate I am to have certain amazing people in my life and I am so thankful that I am appreciative of them.

Even though I am 1/2 of the person I once was physically, as Neil reminds me, I am even greater than 100% mentally, emotionally and spiritually than I was before!

Anyway, enough about that! Thanks for reading!

Manners, Evolution and Intuition...

I'm going to post my thoughts in the order that makes most sense to me.. I want to end on a positive note.. Not to say that this entry will be particularly negative but blogging is one of a few outlets I have to vent and I plan on taking full advantage of that ;)

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can be a bit high strung about certain things. I have pet peeves and I get easily annoyed especially when it comes to human behaviour.

I try my best to stick by certain golden rules such as "never going to someone's home empty handed" or "simply saying please and thank you". Seems pretty brainless but I feel like certain common courtesies are beginning to see their way out of our society. It could be that humans are evolving towards a new era of "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am-ism" or perhaps we are running out of suitable role models. After all, it seems we can all benefit by a refresh of these things on occasion... the following phrases come to mind... "Use it, or lose it..."Out of sight, out of mind". I guess if fewer people are carrying on these seemingly "old-fashioned" courtesies, there is no one to lead by example...

I suppose it is only fair that I give some examples of such behaviour. This morning, I was approaching a set of double glass doors in my office building lobby. The doors are obviously transparent and the woman walking towards the doors from the opposite side can clearly see I am approaching the door on the right hand side. Now, rather than reach for the second door and make her way through, she not only stops and waits for me to open the door but then decides that she should be the first to go through. Ok so I could look at this from the other side and say.. ok so I was nice and opened the door for another person yadda yadda yadda... but the fact here is that she fully intended to wait until I opened that door without even making an attempt to reach for the handle herself, let herself through and went on her way. In the same regard I notice that the average age of all the men downtown, who actually open the door for me (or other women) or wait to step on/off the elevator until the women have passed, is roughly 45. Few (if any) men younger than that have the "ladies first" instinct. Ok, so I will play my own Devil's advocate here and say.. Yeah but with women's lib and all that jazz can you really blame them? Or why should women get priority etc... and the bottom line for me is that quite frankly it shows respect. I don't care if it is evolving its way out of our society, its still nice to see a man who is in most cases larger and stronger show that little bit of gentle courtesy to a woman.

Ok so I am almost done griping but I have one more... I love to entertain. One of my favourite things to do is cook and since I tend to have the inability to cook small portions anyway, it seems fitting that I cook for friends. Because of that passion, it seems that the natural thing for me to do is throw parties..

So for the third year in a row, Lauren and I had a Halloween party. Of course this year Neil was a co-host as well. I don't take my parties lightly. Neil and Lauren can attest to how OCD I can be when it comes to being in party planning mode. I end up spending a lot of money on food/drink, we clean the house to "presentation level" and we decorate. This year we had 17 confirmed guests (not including some spouses etc..). We expected roughly 27 (in all) and 8 actually showed up. Less than half.

We have had our share of party mishaps.. we've had potlucks where people don't bother to bring food or rather than bring their own alcohol, help themselves to ours. We have had many parties where few showed up (or the year one person showed up and I became Dr. Phil for the evening).

Honestly, I never care if people just don't want to come to one of my parties. As long as they are honest and RSVP. Don't sit on the Maybe list and pretend like there is a chance you will make it. Definitely don't be a "maybe" if you are sure that you can't make it. Don't double book and if you can't make it, be honest and just call/text/email/facebook. The fact is, parties aren't easy to plan and they can cost a lot of money and just ignoring that is in my opinion .. rude! Don't think you're doing me a favour by making me think you want to come when you know you can't.

Anyway, I think I have vented enough. I would be interested in hearing some opinions about this because maybe I am crazy or totally on another planet or something...

So last night I was out with Neil and we were heading to his Lab to do some work. It was late (around 10) and we were driving down Deerfoot trail when I suddenly had this vision of a deer darting out into the road. I have only ever seen one deer around Deerfoot trail in my lifetime and it was dead on the side of the road. So I thought this "vision" was my overactive imagination because we have decided to go to Lethbridge this weekend and we all know what happened the second-last time I went to Lethbridge.. we hit that poor deer.

So I told Neil "I just had a vision of a deer!!". I saw it dart out into the road. It really made me feel like I needed to be on the lookout. Not two minutes later I saw a huge stag on the side of the road just past the Calf Robe Bridge (by Peigan Trail). It was on the other side of the barrier and didn't appear to be looking to jump over but it was huge and had massive antlers. I was so alarmed. Not so much that the deer was there but I often get these twinges of intuition and recommend alternate courses of travel or suggest we be more alert etc.. but it is not often that those visions are validated. Ok so the deer didn't dart out but it may have and as a result we didn't head home in that same direction. We took the alternate route of Crowchild to Glenmore.

In my opinion it doesn't matter if these little bits of intuition are validated.. I have learned to always listen to them and to trust my instincts.. but it is nice to see that it is not always my overactive imagination at play.

On that note, I took a tea break just now. I went to the store this morning and bought a 1L carton of 2% lactaid milk. I finished off the last carton this morning on my tea and when I brought the new carton back from the store, my gut kept telling me to check the seal.. of course I was fiddling with the cap and didn't bother to check... so just now I went to get another tea and when I opened the milk (supposedly for the first time) the seal was missing from the inside.

Now there is that chance that in the short time since I bought the carton, someone from my floor went to the fridge and opened my new milk and helped themselves.. or maybe the seal was missing altogether... Either way, I wasn't sure so I quickly ran downstairs and exchanged the carton for a new one...

Speaking of tea.. ever since I got back from England I have been on a bit of a tea kick. I have always loved tea but I usually stick to green/herbal teas (usually on account of the lactose intolerance). But lately I have been enjoying the black teas with milk/sugar as I used to when I was younger.

I'll discuss the England trip in my next post. These are getting too long to keep as one...