-97, dating & taxes

I can't believe I have gone a full week without blogging. I have had a lot on my mind but I think they are things that you just don't want to spill out onto a page not to mention the WWW.

I am down 97lbs now. 3 left until my goal of -100 by Dec 1st. Not much time left. I sure do like to keep things close to the wire don't I?

I feel fantastic. Tired at times and full of energy at others but overall fantastic. I bought a few new pieces of clothing. Its nice to have a bra that supports and fits my new figure.

It is nice to have pants that aren't falling off and it is nice to feel like I look sexy for a change.

On that note, I decided I am ready to re-enter the dating scene. I am currently smaller than I have been in the past 12 or 15 years and as if something just hit me over the head, I realized that I am ready to get out there again. I just hope the world is ready for me ;)

It is getting close to Christmas and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. My contract for my job is up for renewal and that is always nerve wracking. I am going to 3 major Christmas Parties (2 for companies I used to work for and 1 for the company I currently work for) neither of which I was invited to by the company itself.

I need to file my business taxes and that is stressing me out as well. I hate tax stuff. I wish someone would just take it all away and bring it back all figured out and filed.

I've started to realize I need to chill out and stop pushing myself so hard. I am going through huge changes with the weight loss and I am pushing to get and acheive new goals, find new hobbies, date, be social and overall just do everything I want to do. I need to chill out, slow down and enjoy being 32 for a few days. Then I will be 33 and I can restart my quest to better myself.

I would be much more excited about Christmas if things weren't so hectic (which I fully brought on myself) but I also secretly wish that I still had some Danish traditions as part of my celebrations. I miss it terribly. Lauren is planning a Jul party which should help me feel less like I am missing it, but it isn't the same!

I am looking forward to this weekend. As hectic as it will be, I will be going to a Guitar Hero/Singstar party Friday night which should be a blast, the ABSU Christmas party on Saturday with Debbie and then the Movin' Out Broadway Musical on Sunday. Holy I can't believe I am doing all that in one weekend! So much for chillin with the kitties. I miss them!

Anyway. I need to bite the bullet and work on my tax paperwork. *groan*

A full weekend!

Oh wow! What a weekend! Ok so granted I haven't been able to really sleep in or relax with the kitties this weekend.. but... What a weekend it was!

It all started on Friday when Lauren and I took in the 3D Imax Beowulf movie. Ok so the movie really kinda sucked compared to Beowulf and Grendel (starring Gerard Butler). But we were able to have a great slice of pizza from "pizza pizza" in the Scotiabank Theatre and it was an interesting experience seeing the movie in 3D.

Then, bright and early Saturday morning, Lauren and I picked up Nancy from her place and took her to Cora's for breakfast. It was an early start (7:30 am breakfast on a Saturday morning) but it was so great having breakfast with Lauren and Nancy and being able to celebrate Nancy's birthday with her. Cora's was also celebrating this week so they had balloons all over which was so appropriate. Lauren even won a travel mug during one of the hourly draws! The staff came and sang to Nancy and they presented her with a really pretty swan made from a skillfully cut apple.

Part of the experience at Cora's too, is the little Stockholm Syndrome-esque crush I have on one of the waiters there. I have been seeing him there once or twice a month for the last year and I think he's groovy lol! I definitely sense a bit of chemistry but we'll see what happens there!

After breakfast, we drove Nancy to Mount Royal College for her class and then went to a chiropractor appointment. We had planned on a lot of downtime between breakfast and the early 4pm dinner but we only got a quick clothing shopping trip in before having to head over to Debbie's place. I picked up a couple really hot shirts and a new bra that magically picks up my "girls" and puts them in the right place. Hot hot hot!

So dinner was fun, early (which suits me fine because I can eat any time as long as I have the time to eat!) . I met some new people which makes me happy, and I was able to spend some time with my family. I was preoccupied though and for that I feel bad. I had some things on my mind. I was a girl wearing a hot new blouse and my magic bra, and I felt like a million bucks!

So after dinner we all went to Deb's place for guitar hero/singstar/american idol games, and a few healthy snacks. For the first time, I sampled some pineapple and tomato salsa and I was impressed. I love tomatoes and I love pineapple so it was a big hit. I also got the recipe!
We watched some of the boys play guitar hero for a short while but then the girls kicked up a game of singstar and a couple of the guys joined us. It was so much fun!

Lets just say that Britney Spears, Yoda, Regis Philbin and Herbert (the 80 yr old pedophile from Family Guy) were all featured! I haven't laughed that much in hmm a looong time! We got home late.. after 1am..

So Sunday we planned brunch with Alice to celebrate her birthday which was the previous Thursday. We decided late Saturday night to move the brunch to noon, and so Debbie, Michael, Lauren, Alice and I were all enjoying a brunch buffet. The food was great and it is always nice to have a variety of anything you want to eat!

After brunch, Lauren and I ran home to relax for about an hour before heading out to dinner at Milestones and the Theatre. I changed into another sexy top and we headed downtown. Dinner was nice but kind of annoying. They accidentally rang in the wrong order for me and so I had to wait longer for my Grilled Seafood Salad. It is ironic too since I take the longest to eat!

So I finally got my meal, ate and after Alice had her amazing ganache dessert, we paid and headed to the theatre.

Some of the group ran ahead to get in line because tonight was the Director's Cut of the musical mystery play "The Mystery of Edwin Drood". At only $10 a head tonight (compared to the regular $31) it was a steal!

If anyone is curious, after having seen the play, I highly recommend it and would have gladly paid $31. It is at the Vergito Theatre at the base of the Calgary Tower.

It was an interractive play which allowed to audience to decide the final outcome! Well acted and even better, the performances were over and above any I have seen before.

So here I blog, at 12 am and I am beat tired but still whirling from a weekend of family, friends, fun, flirting, fantastic food, music and the theatre.

This weeked was AWESOME! I will never forget it!

Random thoughts

It is frustrating for a chronic communicator to not be able to get her point across. That is my never-ending struggle. Being misunderstood.

I could even go as far as to complain with the cliche, "That is the story of my life."

And so I wonder, how do I demonstrate who I am to someone I meet for the first time, effectively, efficiently and with enough flare that I am not a boring "whomever" but a dynamic individual?

Who am I. Good question.. damn good question.

Maybe the real me is just "awkward" and we (me and everyone else) are so used to it, that it is one of my traits that blends into my eternal landscape?

Who am I? I wonder what matters more? Who I am, or who I want to be.. after all we really can't change who we are to begin with but we always have control over who we become.. So maybe who I am is far less important than who I will become? Or am I just talking in circles?

Yeah, I do talk in circles. Honestly, I do.

So ok, I am a 32 year old woman who feels such a strong sense of self internally but can't seem to project that outward to evoke the desired reaction of interest and curiosity I desire so much.

I have a strong sexual presence which is slowly being released through my weight loss but is still kept under tight watch from the demons of self-consciousness.

I love to be creative. Period. Everything and anything.

I love my ability to perceive, my ability to inquire and my ability to feel.. to be empathic. I also love my ability to remain balanced which has seen me through some of the most turbulent times in my life.

Ok so apparently I love myself. lol. Yeah good start.. Kind of..

I made a list of one word descriptions of who I think I am.. I came up with a whole bunch of wonderful words that describe my achievements and skills.. I found some criticisms and poked fun at myself a little. I labeled myself appropriately and inappropriately.

But really.. Who am I? Who is Pia and what is she all about?? What is my most consistent attribute? I can't be the token fat girl for much longer so what is my identity really, without the pounds?

I am a lover of life. I feel alive yet I am so anxious to live life to the fullest. I feel like I really haven't started living yet..

I guess all this "who am I" stuff really breaks down to.. "How do I want to be perceived by others?".

I want to be respected, loved (both deeply and passionately) & looked up to (as a mentor and role model). I want to be thought of as interesting, smart, funny, clever, sexy, wise, spontaneous, random, consistent, grounded, flexible, optimistic.. did I mention attractive?

Then again... who doesn't?

So with all this reflection and confusion I am still left not quite knowing who I am... but I know who I used to be...

I had some pretty steep goals for myself. Within the past 7 years I set the following goals:

1) Find a good career
2) Quit smoking
3) lose weight
4) stop biting my nails
5) fall in love

#5 was an unfair goal to set. Even achieving it doesn't guarantee anything. It could be one sided which is why I ended up removing it from my list. #4 is still an ongoing struggle but I have had some pretty nails for a while..

#1 I found a great career. Technical Writing. I love it. I am employed in it full time as a contractor. (Goal Achieved but development ongoing)

#2 I quit smoking April 7, 2001. I did it for my health and for the health of my family. I did it because I decided that year to pursue weight loss surgery and I didn't want to be a hypocrite.(Goal Achieved)

#3 Well, July 24, 2007, I had weight loss surgery and now at 92 lbs down I have to say that goal is pretty well taken care of. I will lose the weight virtually automatically now. (Goal Achieved)

So this is why I am left wondering who I am. I'm not going to be the fat girl much longer. I have achieved all of my major goals.. Goals I honestly didn't think were achievable when I set them. So now I start over with new goals, creating a new chapter in my life novel. What goals do I set?

And without suffering from amnesia, I still wonder...

"Who am I?"

Your feedback is welcome and appreciated.

-92 and the results of the Audit...

So I audited the class on Saturday. I was definitely impressed with the instructor and the feedback he gave to all the students. I feel that I will learn a lot in the class. He was able to provide practical examples of the emotion or reaction he wanted to see. I learned something in the class on Saturday and I was just observing, not even participating! I decided not to do the full day (2 classes) though, I think I will just enroll in the 1 class because just being there the 4 hours as an observer was exhausting. I can't imagine participating and putting in the full 7 hours every Saturday.

Another update.. I weighed myself this morning and I came in at 374 which means I have lost 92lbs! Thats only 8 more to my goal of -100 by December 1.

My massage therapist was over yesterday. As she was massaging my back, she commented on how much fat is gone! I may not always see or feel it but I am thrilled to get the reinforcement from the people around me! Especially the people that don't see me all the time!

The Audit...

So... to jump start the acting class idea I have been granted a free class audit this weekend. I will be auditing an essentials of acting class. If I like the class and if it seems to fit, I will register in 2 Saturday classes starting in January.

I am so excited about getting back into acting and drama. Its amazing how much confidence you gain when you lose 88lbs!

I discovered that I have had a creative thirst that I have been unable to quench. I have tried writing, art, making jewelry, sewing, crocheting, painting, mosaics, interior decorating and crafting. So far, nothing has quenched my thirst. I joined the choir beginning in January as an attempt to quench the thirst but the small piece of the industry I had a taste of last weekend has made me realize that I also need to explore acting again. So in January, I will do both at the same time.

On a side note, one of the things that is most exciting about this journey is that I have a billion times more energy than I had 3 months ago and I am only 1/4 of the way into the weight loss. I can't even imagine things when I am at goal.. watch out world! Muahahahaha!

At 103 days... 378 and I am feeling great!

Well I have officially lost 88 lbs now and I am feeling really good. Aside from bad judgement eating some halloween candy that is...
I have had a lot of ups and downs this past few weeks. I have been moody and at times I don't know what truck driver posessed my mouth. I am also often tired but relative to the sleep I get, I would say that isn't a big issue.
I am excited about my life though. I dressed up in several different costumes for the various halloween events and I have to admit that I make a fairly hot pirate! ;)

I am also excited that yesterday, along with some friends and my sisters, I was on set as a background performer(extra) for the Mini-series Political Thriller "Burn Up".

The day was long and in my opinion more physically demanding than I anticipated but I LOVED it! I loved it so much that is has reignited a love for performing that I had as a child and teen. I never thought I would have the spark back but it has definitely come back! When I was about 8, I used to watch soap operas with my mom and we used to make up our own scripts and she would go through them with me. She wanted to teach me to cry on cue but I could never get that one! When I was a teen I was in a lip sync contest which taught me how much I loved performing. My mom and I wanted to write a song together and become the new "Judds" but that never came to be. Then when I moved to Calgary in Jr. High School, I joined a drama class and my love for the theatre began! I had to do an in character monologue where I had to have an accent. I did a flawless southern accent and it made such an impact that even though it was early on in the year, someone loved it enough to comment on it in my yearbook at the end of the year.

In high school, I continued the drama route and loved learning how to do theatre makeup. I loved the whole atmosphere of the theatre but when things went wonky with my academics and I left that school, I never went back to it. The years following leading up to now have been just getting my life back on track and getting stronger as a person.

Now that my life is changing after the surgery, I have discovered that I really do have the confidence and drive that it takes to be successful in a creative career like I have always wanted.

Being on the set of "Burn Up" was exhillarating. We arrived around 6:30 which was about 15 mins before our "call time". We got the forms we had to fill out for our registration and then we were able to get some hot breakfast and settle in. We found an empty table which was conveniently located near the ladies room! The breakfast made me happy because there was lots of protein rich items and even though there were bread items and some stuff I can't eat, I was able to fill up on bacon, eggs and fruit.

We hung out for a while, chatting and I did some Sudoku puzzles. Wardrobe came around and inspected the outfits we picked for shooting. For my first outfit I chose my black and grey peacoat with a green and grey striped scarf and grey gloves. I chose not to wear my hat because the weather was improving and for continuity, what you were wearing had to stay on until they said you could change. We were protesters in this shoot so we were supposed to look the part. There were some that looked like they had been protesting all their lives with the dreadlocks, bandanas and clothing to match, but I think we did pretty good. Afterall, people come in all shapes and sizes and protesters do too. I got complimented on the green and grey scarf too.
My second outfit was a light blue fall jacket with a blue homemade scarf. I didn't wear my hat for that one either. I changed my outfit 3 times, the 3rd time I put the black coat back on and that time, which was the evening shot, I wore my hat.

Our first call was at 8am. We were called in group B and although we were originally placed on the north side of the plaza, I was eventually moved to the west side as they needed to spread us out. As a matter of fact, Lauren was the only one who was kept in the original position at that point.

The day of shooting started with a variety of shots with us entering as if we were just arriving to the protest and then with us shouting and doing chants. We pretended to know the people next to us and then pretended to get excited with them and angry with them when we were instructed to do so. We ran after an imaginary limousine and raised our fists in protest. It was very different than my expectations in that I wasn't anticipating the number of times we had to repeat the same scene from different areas to give the illusion of thousands of people when in fact we were just 350.

It was chilly on the feet and we did a lot of standing. When we ran, we ran across the plaza, up the stairs on the other side and almost out to macleod trail. I took the foot high steps like they were nothing and I ran with the crowd as well as they did. I kept up!

The whole day was interesting and exciting and repetitive but fun. I was able to see a side of the movie industry I had only seen from afar before and even though some of it was similar to the shooting of the commercial for Ercole's restaurant I was in, it was a much larger scale.

The day went pretty much the same way as above until lunch. We had a break mid morning where they gave us sandwiches. I ate the turkey, bacon and cheese out of mine and tossed the roll. I grabbed a whole apple that was sitting in a basket. I don't know if they were for display or for consuming but I knew a piece of turkey, cheese and 2 slices of bacon wouldn't keep me going until the hot lunch was served. We went out for another "wedge" where we did the same thing over and over again, and then were brought in for a much desired hot lunch.

They served a variety of green, greek and coleslaw salads with rolls, rice, bean/pea medley and then our choice of ham or chicken. I chose ham. A great choice. I skipped the rice and roll.

I ate most of what I took. I gave Lauren some of my leftover ham and drank whatever juice they had. We didn't get a lot of time to relax and were asked to change before the next shot. This time, we were heading over to city hall to shoot in front of the municipal building. The shot involved running towards a police barricade fence and then shaking the fence as the "american" limousines drove by.

After doing that scene about 10 times in different ways (with a really short hot chocolate break in between), we went back to holding for another break which unfortunately only provided some chips and veggies for snack but I was fortunate enough to grab a banana! We hung out for like 20 mins and then were called back out for the last 2 "evening" shots. We heard them say they were ready for us to begin heading out so we decided to jump on it and head out right away. We were literally in the first 10 out the door so the second AD Brian counted us off in the first 15 and told us to see Patrice and tell her we were her 15. We didn't realize this immediately but much to our delight, we were going to be in the shot that included Neve Campbell and not in the distant background. I was placed in the shot and just a couple feet in front of me was Neve Campbell's marker. Debbie, Lauren and Alice were also placed in their seats and we waited for the shot. The two ladies I was seated with were terribly annoying as background performers. They kept watching Neve walk through the scene rather than pretending to be chatting. Ahh well, it all worked out and they got the shot in 1 take.

Neve didn't stick around long. She was flying out right away but she was nice enough to meet some people, sign an autograph and get her pic taken with one person. She smiled at me while we were waiting for the shot. That was nice. I didn't feel it was necessary to shake her hand or get an autograph.

After that shot, we were moved to the last evening shot which included a breakdancing polar bear. It was pretty hillarious! We laughed and cheered and clapped as random people joined in to dance with the polar bear. It was pretty cool!

As soon as that was done, they wrapped us and we went back to holding to pack up. I went to talk to the person that arranged for us being cast as background performers to thank her. I wanted to make sure she knew how much I enjoyed myself and how I would do it again! She was great and made sure to point out to us that there were hot spring rolls waiting for us outside that were supposed to be ready as soon as we wrapped. I got 2 and in my state of hunger, scarfed them down with a pack of plum sauce to dip in. I didn't care about the consequences at that point, knowing I would be heading straight home.

We got home after grabbing hot chocolate at Timmies and dropping Debbie and Alice at Deb's place. We arrived at about 9 but it felt like 3am. I was beat! I tried to sleep on the couch for a cat nap but ended up dragging my ass to bed at 11. I was in zombie mode!

After all that happened on Saturday my final evaulation of the whole day was that I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Even if just a part time hobby, I want to get back into performing. I start in January with the choir but I have already begun looking for info about acting schools to see what I can start taking!

I woke up this morning a little sore but not as sore as I have been in the past and once I got out of bed I felt fine! Not a single ache which surprised me. I did a lot of running yesterday. More than I have done in a long time. I also did a lot of standing and stairs.

A few things I am pleased to share with you:

1) After yesterday and all I ate, I had no issues with how my body reacted to the food. I made healthy choices and was able to eat as everyone else did and had no issues.
2) I sat in a folding chair all the time I was in holding yesterday and didn't break it! I was sure it would collapse under me.
3) I sat in a foldup canvas chair (without arms) for one of the scenes and didn't have any issues. I didn't break it and it wasn't terrible!!!
4) I met a lot of wonderful people! I had fun chatting with the other background performers, getting tips/advice and just seeing what they had done in the past! I had fun flirting with the fake cop that had a nice "time piece" too! (Long story)
5) I enjoyed spending the day with Lauren, Debbie, Alice and Jennie.

I think thats all I can rattle on about tonight. I am beat and need to rest up for another busy week!