6 Month Update -123lbs!

Well, today is officially 6 months since surgery and I have lost 123 lbs!!!!! I lost 6 lbs this week!!!!

I feel like crap and I have pretty much lost my voice BUT I have lost 123 lbs in 6 months! Amazing!

I just wanted to share :)

Tea, popsicles and chicken noodle soup...

These are the things that matter to me this very second. The things that soothe!

I was feeling fantastic this weekend.

As a matter of fact, I was a busy girl last week and all weekend. I saw Pirates of Penzance at U of C on Thursday, Had sushi and saw 2 movies (27 Dresses & Sweeney Todd) on Friday, met with my acting partner and had acting class (and then drinks with the boys) on Saturday & went shopping and then to another movie (Cloverfield) on Sunday. I made a comment this weekend to someone that I have done so much in the month of January compared to even the last 3 months of 2007 and that I knew my body would want me to slow down soon...

Monday morning I woke up and felt as though someone sprayed the inside of my lungs with alcohol. Every breath I took was like fire and I felt like I had to cough but I was afraid to because of the pain. I have a high pain tolerance and even this was too much for me! So I popped pain killers and went to work... I intended to leave work early but that didn't happen as planned either..

So here I sit on Wednesday evening feeling like crap (although I do feel less like crap than I did yesterday). I have been eating lots of soup today, drinking juice and tea... and I have visions of Popsicles dancing in my head to soothe my throat which is irritated from the coughing. Oh did I mention that the Doctor said it's a virus (aka the FLU). Grr. I guess my flu shot was for the OTHER flu strain going around. By the way, Fisherman's Friend lozenges really are my friend.

So let me tell you about my weekend.

Thursday: Pirates of Penzance

It was ok. Made me realize I don't think I would like the Opera but I do like the theatre in general. The Pirate King was a little too Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean) and the other main character Frederick was too quiet. This performance did teach me something though for my own acting class and the music was fantastic too so not all was lost!

Friday: Sushi, 27 Dresses and Sweeney Todd

Sushi was ok. We went to Sumo in Sunridge mall. Overall it tasted good but I am so in love with sushi at Kinjo that I find it hard to love sushi at other places. I always enjoy the raw salmon sashimi though so I am happy with that.

27 Dresses was fantastic. I loved it. I thought it was very funny and witty. I was surprised that it lived up to the description of Romantic COMEDY.

Sweeney Todd was very good.. definitely different.. I love musicals but this one was unlike any I have ever seen. Very dark, very gory and the storyline had a couple of holes but I still liked it a lot.

Saturday: Acting practice, acting class and Grindhouse on pay per view

I spent the day out doing acting stuff. Although my acting partner was over an hour late for practice, we managed to get a lot accomplished. Class was fun as usual and afterwards I went out to Moxies for drinks with some guys from class. It was nice not being around women for a change! The conversations are different and it is just really refreshing!

Sunday: Cora's, shopping and Cloverfield

The morning was interesting. It was the first time I had been back to Cora's since I gave the waiter my phone number. Of course he never called and I made all sorts of assumptions about why which is the typical woman thing to do.. But on Sunday I came to the realization that he just isn't interested. I bumped into him on the way to the washroom (he hadn't seen us come in and we weren't seated anywhere near his section). He said hi, asked how I was and I responded in kind.. and that was it. Zip. Zilch. Zero. No official vibe. Nothing changed. He was as he always was. And so that brought me to the conclusion that he isn't interested. If he was, he would have called.. and besides.. why would I be interested in someone who wouldn't act on it if he was interested. I am not desperate!

I went shopping as well on Sunday. To Chinook mall. Shopped for clothes to wear for Speed Dating on Saturday (which i may not be able to attend because I am sick!!!) :( I didn't find anything I really want to wear speed dating but I did find a bunch of sale stuff.. New runners and clothes all for a fantastic deal. I bought a hoodie for $12.50!!!!!

Later that night, we met some friends for another movie. Cloverfield. The disclaimer we had to read before buying our tickets was amusing.. Because it was filmed by handheld camera, it can cause bad nausea or dizziness and that we should sit as far back in the theatre as possible. We got prime seats in the back centre (second row from the back). It was perfect. The movie was great.. I liked it a lot. I did have to close my eyes on occasion because I got dizzy though. The difference with this movie though, is that every time I talk about it since I saw it, I see more and more holes, more and more things that were left unanswered, things that we were given clues to that came up empty..

So after a fun filled weekend, I was exhausted and my body let me have it! I am starting to think I won't get out to speed dating on Saturday which sucks because I was really looking forward to it. I am hoping I can get better really soon. If I am feeling better by Thursday night, I will still go.. Otherwise, I have to give 24 hours notice if I don't want to lose my money :(

I also want to be in good shape for choir on Thursday.. I am recording the session on my digital voice recorder and a bunch of coughing in the background won't be very helpful!

So anyway.. I sit here on Wednesday night at 7:30pm nearly ready for bed, not looking forward to going to work in the morning, but fantasizing about Popsicles arriving at the door!

Being me...

I had one of my acting classes today. Loved it. As usual. I think it will be a challenge but I am excited about what I am learning. I also enrolled in the next acting class which begins the week after this one ends!

I also started choir this week and I think that will be really challenging. I normally sing alone.. as an individual. Solo. And suddenly, I am standing alongside a lot of other women and we are singing songs to sheet music in harmony. I don't find that easy at all! But it will be fun to perform!

So acting and singing huh? What a shift my life has taken this year compared to last! I am loving it but I also feel very much like I am brand new all over again! You know, when you start a new job and suddenly you don't feel much like a guru anymore.. well, last fall I definitely felt like the guru of my life and now.. I feel new.. brand spanking new!

I think this is a good feeling though... when you spend your life where everything is so familiar and comfortable that you feel like you could live with your eyes closed, you don't learn and grow as much as you can.. Now that I am in learning mode where my comfort zone is waaaaaaaayy over there... I can grow as an individual. And forgive the pun but this time, I am growing spiritually, emotionally and mentally... not physicially.

I am definitely disappointed in the phone number situation.. I gave someone my phone number.. someone I was 100% sure was interested in me.. someone I have known casually for a while.. and he didn't call.

I don't know how many people will understand this, but I think the part of the situation which bothers me the most.. the thing that makes this much harder.. is that I trust my instincts and rely on them every day. I use them to manage my life. If my instincts about him were wrong, what does that mean? Does that mean I can't trust my instincts at all?

This hasn't put a dent in my self esteem or anything and I really look forward to speed dating.. at least just to see what it is all about.

A very wise friend made me see this whole situation for what it really is.. I overcame a fear, I learned something, I took a risk and I grew as a person and no amount of rejection can take that away from me.

I will go back to Cora's again. Soon. I love it there too much to not go.

So I am definitely fulfilling my goals for 2008. Not resolutions. No. They are goals. Only I know when they have been accomplished to my satisfaction. They aren't a list of specific tasks that are just waiting to be ignored, they are extentions of my own passion, the very essence of what drives me as an individual.

I am exhausted! Putting myself "out there" is tough work!

Day 3 (at 11am) - No call

It is 9am on Wednesday morning, 3 days after giving HIM my business card with my full name, number, email address and profession. It also included a little note.. "Give me a call sometime.. Pia."

As a woman, and of course as being the one who initiated this process, I am struggling with the waiting game. I want to understand HIS side of things but of course all I can do is speculate, make assumptions and get frustrated.

I feel compelled to share this thought process because I know, from speaking with other people who have been in this situation before, that this is not unique to me.

Here are some possible assumptions of why he hasn't called that have made their way through my brain:

-He lost the card/my number
-He tossed the card before reading the back thinking I was being all professional-like and not trying to pick him up
-He's too shy to call
-He's just not interested
-He's married/involved already
-He's Gay
-He's being a guy and waiting as per the unspoken rule of days
-Maybe my message wasn't clear enough

I've learned over the years that I am really not the most patient person on the planet. I am an instant gratification kind of person, which irritates me because I think our society in general has become too 'Want it now, gotta have it now". And yet here I am doing the exact same thing.

And of course, because of who I am, I have told many of my friends and some family about HIM and me giving him my number. I think I partly told them all because I can't seem to keep my private life private (hence this blog) but also because I can't believe I had the gumption to give him my number in the first place and I wanted them to know I have gumption!

If I know anything about my own life path, it is that everything happens in an intricate pattern which close-up seems disjointed but when all is said and done, comes together seamlessly. In retrospect, it all looks perfectly crafted and everything happened for a good reason.

I am not afraid to admit I am putting way too much thought and energy into this process, and I will be the first to admit that I am completely inept in this dating (or in my case non-dating) scene.

In an effort to gain more experience, talk to some eligible men and get "out there", I am going to a speed dating session with a friend. It's kind of like 7 minutes in heaven but without the closet and with a lot more fire and brimstone.

Also, in an effort to be less critical and much more open to whatever comes my way, I sent a message into the cosmos (which means, I told my friends and by saying it out loud makes it more real), saying that I will accept the offer of a "real date" from the very next guy who asks me out (who is under 40 and doesn't scare me). I have to say "real date" because I go out for lunch or coffee or dinner with a lot of guy friends so it has to be clearly a date for it to count.

I know that doesn't make a lot of sense.. it makes sense to me and that's all that matters! Don't mistake this as an act of desperation.. I am far from desperate... right now.. As I said, I am just getting out there.. this year is my year to broaden my horizons "out there" and that's what
this is about.

On a side note, I didn't realize what ignorant bliss I was in over the past few years while I kept myself out of the dating scene. Wow, it is so much easier to be clear headed when you're not thinking about men!

Anyway, I will most definitely keep everyone posted about what happens next. If I don't post, it is more likely that I did meet someone because who has time to blog when you're dating??!?! ;)

Wish me luck!

To boldly do...

I may have added a little bit of flair to make this all flow and sound a bit less like a high school diary entry but this is what happened on Sunday..

To set this up..

I heard something on the radio.. immediately after praying to the destiny Gods, asking how to meet Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now or even Mr. Not-a-creep.

The words came through the radio as if to me specifically.. "If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.." and so this is what inspired the boldest move ever made in "Pia's Dating History"..

I have been going to a certain restaurant since it opened a year and a half ago and gradually over the past year and a half, my interest in a certain waiter has been growing.. he's consistently been there and on occasion we have been seated in his section but really, my admiration has been a "crush from afar" Until now...

"It was like poetry... Like I put the words onto paper myself. But this was something I didn't control. Something I definitely didn't write and something I really didn't expect. It came together like a symphonic melody. Or something like that anyway!

So this time, we walk into the restaurant. He sees me, looks happy to see me, smiles and says good morning or something to that effect. I can't read lips and the restaurant is already noisy with food being served and chatter from the tables around us.

We were seated as far away from HIS section as physically possible. Not only were we seated a good distance from him, but we were placed in a separate little room, so we had a whole wall between us! The little faux windows around our room didn't provide much opportunity.

He seemed disappointed about where I was seated but I think that might have been my own feelings projecting.. I was disappointed.

I was so happy to see him again. It had been nearly 2 months I think.. it felt like longer. I had planned on giving him my phone number months ago. I last saw him on my friend's Birthday and the very next time I went to the restaurant, I planned the business card drop.. I planned it... and he wasn't there. or the time after that.. I finally asked the waitress about him. He was on a sabbatical. What?? Well, At least he was coming back! Eventually..

I barely caught 'one second' glimpses of him throughout the morning. We were there almost 2 hours and I caught his eye twice.

I had the business cards written up in my purse waiting to be given to him. One was simple.. short, to the point. The other was longer, more explanatory, more complex. My friends agreed that I should compromise the two and have a card with a little more but not a long explanation as to why I am giving him my number.

We had our breakfast. In the past, he had gone out of his way to cross my path to say hi to me or smile at me. Not today. He's too busy and I am too far away. I feel so silly for being so infatuated with someone I barely know. I have known him a year and a half but really I don't KNOW him. I have spent only minutes talking to him once or twice a month at best. But he's so attractive.. and that keeps my interest.

We make our commute to the cash register. I keep my business card in hand and follow my friends and sister to the front. I am startled for a second when I see him at the cash.. is he working the register?? No, just helping with a question.. hmm. that would have been helpful if he was. He leaves the cashier before we even get close. Back to his section.

I walk to the front. He's busy working.. head down and focused. As my friends pay, I keep looking around the restaurant. Trying not to be obvious but still sending out the "look over here" vibes.. hoping he notices I am leaving..

...and then he does. He looks up, sees me, smiles, waves and says good bye.
I can read his lips when he says that.. but I think its more the wave that I am able to interpret.

I respond with.. "Good Night!" ... at 11am, I wished him a good night. I am such a dork!

Suddenly, as if on impulse, he says something to me from across the restaurant. He's never initiated conversation before. I still can't read lips.. so I mouth the words "What did you say?" and take 2 steps closer. He moves in two steps closer as well and repeats what he said. Again, I can't hear him over the bustle of the restaurant.

So we move closer still and suddenly we come together in the centre of the restaurant. His face was flushed.. blushing? hot? embarrassed? He asks me if I am just now leaving, or if I came back for lunch. I laughed and responded, "I know I am addicted to this place but coming back so soon would be a bit much.." so he replied, "A good long breakfast then, that's good!"

I smiled and with that, we said good bye... but then, as if someone was behind me acting as my puppeteer, I said "wait" and he stopped & turned to me. I handed him my business card... [my phone number, my full name, my profession & my email address].

He smiled and said "Thank you very much", turned away and went back to work.

I don't remember being in control of my body from about the time I wrote that business card until I left the restaurant. I was on pure instinct and adrenaline. Perhaps that was for the best.

I held my breath from the second I handed him my card, to the minute I got outside. I took a deep breath of the frigid January air and began trembling. Partly because it was brisk outside but mainly because the adrenaline in my body was on overdrive just to get me the courage to do that.. by far the boldest thing I have done.

Making the first move.. in a wholesome family breakfast establishment isn't exactly something I do all the time.. as a matter of fact, it is something I have never done.

I think the most shocking aspect of this for me, is that I actually had the nerve to do it in the first place. It is something I have always wanted to do but never had the courage. Never had the confidence in myself.

Granted, there is no guarantee that he is interested in me, even if I felt a chemistry. There is definitely no guarantee he will call. But I did it because I do feel a chemistry between us and I do think he is interested in me.

At least this way, I will never have to wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done it. At least this way I'm not just admiring him from a distance forever while eating my Eggs Benedictine!

And the fact of it all is.. I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to make my move unless he did what he did. He struck up a conversation. He made this whole thing possible. Had he just waved, turned around and gone back to work like so many other times, I would have left the restaurant, card in hand, and wondered if there would ever be another opportunity or when it would have been too late, like I thought it was in the fall when he decided to go on sabbatical.

In my mind, my poetic roots are aching to finish the poem with a romantic happy ending.. he calls, and we live happily ever after..

But I have seen this before.. with other people.. it happens every day I am sure. He could reject me. He could be in a relationship already. He could be gay.

I certainly hope not, but it doesn't matter to me what decision he makes. I don't want to be with someone that isn't interested in me. I am not in love with him. I did what I did for me and me alone. If he is interested, that is fantastic. But if not, I will live.. I will move on and I will be happy.

So for now, this piece of my life, this poem, remains unfinished.. "

-114, a new photo, collar bones and boys!

Happy New Year! It is 2008 and with the new year comes new challenges. New ambition. New goals and most of all, new relationships. I'm not just talking about dating relationships. I am also talking about family, friends and even work relationships.

As I have likely mentioned numerous times, this is also the year I am going to be putting myself out there.. I feel like my birthday party should be a "coming out" party but more in the traditional sense rather than contemporary sense since I am not a lesbian!

I was out today with Lauren and some of her ex co-workers and current friends. She was saying farewell to her old job and I was there to reap the benefits.. food and good conversation that is..

I love socializing, especially with new people and I am finding more and more that even though I am not actually dating anyone, I really enjoy the company of the opposite sex.. even when its innocent flirting.. even when there isn't any chemistry.. its just fun! Ok so granted I always knew I enjoyed that.. but as I am losing weight, I am gaining confidence.. part of that confidence includes a boy crazy woman!

I have lost 114lbs. I am 352 and in just over 5 months, I have lost the equivalent of a supermodel. I have a new picture which I did post and I compared it to the picture taken of me on the day of surgery which I also posted below. It is insane how much I have changed and even more insane is the fact that I really don't see it all the time. I will be thinking I am the same old Pia until I look in the mirror and I see just how narrow my shoulders have become.. or I will try and button up my coat only to realize the buttons are 6 inches away from where they should be.. I need to take that jacket and move in those buttons!

Starting tomorrow, I begin my new acting class. I am hoping to make new friends, meet new people and have some fun. I also plan on learning a lot! Next Thursday I also start choir practice! I am extremely happy about both of these things. They fit in perfectly with my plan to get myself out and about in 2008.

I am struggling with the dating stuff. Not sure where to start.. I thought about speed dating and the Meet Market program but I wonder if it isn't easier than that? I mean we all know 80-90% of jobs aren't advertised so couldn't that also be true of single men? I searched facebook for people born the exact year as me in Calgary that are single and hundreds come up on the search for men alone! I know networking is a good way to find work but it should also work for finding single men right?

I know people with single guy friends and they aren't jumping at the chance to introduce me to them. I don't know if they are trying to spare me or him, but I think it should be a rule that those who know single people should introduce those single people to eachother.. How else are we going to meet them? Now hold on hold on.. I am not talking a set up or a blind date.. I am talking a casual gathering of friends.. a neutral way for everyone to meet. As long as there is no assumptions made about whether or not two single people would get along.. introduce them and let them figure it out.. afterall, only I know who I am compatible with right?

I also think it is really unfair and quite insulting when someone I know (who is aware I am looking to meet a guy) constantly recommends that everyone meet their single male friends except for me... Ok that sounds a little like I just stomped my feet in frustration like a 6 year old but you can imagine how annoying it is to always hear.. oh so and so should meet Mr x. and Oh so and so would be perfect for Mr. x... I just want to be considered a hot commodity in that area rather than an afterthought or not thought of at all.

I've been noticing growing interests in many guys but I am clueless as to where to go from here. I am lusting after a guy whose name I don't know, a guy who I have known for a year but thinks of me as a 'regular customer' rather than potential lover (who very well could be way too young for me) and a guy that is quite obviously in a committed relationship which I have no intention of messing with.. but a girl can always hope for the best ;) I just have no idea what to do next. I am not patient to start with...

I am sure in 5 years I will be laughing about what a total nerd I have been with respect to dating but I have to live with the fact that I am good at the flirting but terrible at transforming that into something substantial..

Oh wow I am just beat tonight. Apparently going out and having a whole bunch of laughs is more exhausting than I thought. I guess going to a dance bar in a few weeks will be a big change. I've also planned a birthday dinner for myself.. raw oysters on the half-shell. YUM!

Well, I have to take my sleepy ass up to bed so I can sleep in before my acting class!

I will try to avoid all the gushy mushy guy talk next time and talk about current events or something!!!

Thanks for reading!