I am sitting next to two of my favorite people in the whole world. Ok so I have a lot of favorites but I have to say that I feel really fortunate to be surrounded by such amazing individuals.
Lauren has been there for me, with me for a long time now. She is one of the few people that has been there for me unconditionally, has been my rock when I needed her and has been just amazingly supportive.. and she keeps on being this person… this truly wonderful woman!
And Neil… How can I even explain how shocked I am that I not only found this incredible man to inflate my heart to a whole new level that I didn’t know was possible, but that it actually happened to me… TO ME!!! I would have bet my life savings that I would have been a single cat lady my whole life… I didn’t think it was in the cards for me. Somehow I always knew things would be wonderful for me, but in the same sense, I didn’t think it would include someone as incredible as Neil.
I can gush about these two all night and I probably will, but you need to realize that since July 24, 2007, my life has completely changed. Ok so I still have the same house and job, but those were the only things that ever changed with me before. Now THEY are stable and everything else has changed. I have a whole new body and I get to experience life in a whole new way. I have new challenges of course, but they make me love my life!
I have a new man in my life and I am going to keep calling him my new man until someone gets it into my thick skull that I am not dreaming. That he is really here in my life and I didn’t just imagine him. I think one of the things that makes this situation so unbelievable is that he is a snapshot of everything I have ever asked for, ever wished for, ever dreamed about.. and then a little bit more!
And then back to Lauren… throughout all of this SHE is the MOST supportive person of my relationship with Neil. No jealousy or bitterness or anything else that I would actually accept as reaction considering how long she and I have been living together and sharing adventures together. It sounds like I expected her to be bitter or jealous and that is not at all the case, I am just saying that I would have been fine with that in her case because she and I have been so close and our lives so intertwined. She even made a comment to me that if Neil and I are not still a couple in 50 years, she would be pissed at me because she thinks he is that incredible and that we make such a great couple. That says a lot and coming from her, that means SO MUCH to me!
My heart is so full now and I had no idea it could get fuller. I feel myself falling deeper for Neil every day and even though it seems so incredibly scary that we have only been together 15 weeks, I feel like I have known him my whole life. Quite frankly I don’t give a damn how long it has been because it feels so perfect. So right. And my instincts are loud and clear that he is THE ONE!
I know he will read this blog (Hi Neil!) and I know Lauren will read it too (Hi Laur! :)) but I am not worried that Neil will know exactly how strongly I feel because we have been really clear with each other from Day 1 what our expectations are, what we want from the relationship and where we see it heading. I am living my life for today and even though I am thinking many years in advance with a general feeling of where I want to be (and who I want to be with) I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying it. As far as discussing our future, I think the fact that we're headed in the same direction is exactly the point. If anything is meant to be, it will be… and even though it may be challenging, the good things will come easily.
So as I am sitting between Laur and Neil, I count my blessings and thank what ever higher being is responsible for creating this joy in my life.
In the grand scheme of things, I have had a lot of shit in my life. I apologize for the expletive but for any of you who has read my blog from day one, just the past few years has contained a lot of crap and then multiply that by childhood crap, teenage crap, young adult crap, relationship crap, health crap, money crap, job crap etc… (I could go on and on and on as you can see)… With all that in mind I think i deserve this. I think I have earned this. I think that I am exactly where I should be and I don’t think I have had anything come “easy” to me. Neil has come into my life after more than a decade of being single… yes.. MORE than a decade and before that decade, I never met a man so amazing! So as lucky and blessed as I feel, I think that I am due for some love, some happiness and some greatness in my life and I damn well expect things to keep getting better.
This year I get to look forward to going with Neil to England and finally meeting his family. To see where he comes from. A whole new chapter in our relationship and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
As for Lauren, my only real wish for her is that she find the kind of love that I have found because she deserves it too. I have no doubt that she will find that in her life.. when the time is right… but until then, I remain her sister, her best friend, her buddy! And she will never be the third wheel in my relationship with Neil because she is equal and we both adore her!
So I leave you with a whole lot of rambling and I thank you for getting this far! I hope you all have a wonderful summer and an amazing July!
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