My life.. the drama, and everything to come..

2009 sure has been eventful so far. I am not sure what to expect for the year but I know that it is going to be one hell of a challenge.

I think I have mentioned this before but I really feel like I am starting out fresh again with no experience in life. I am embarking on the process of accepting and dealing with the changes I have made in my life but because I am neurotic, I can't stop myself from diving into new things head first. I am sticking my fingers into tasks at work that I really don't have time for and my brain is starting to hurt. On top of it all I went ahead and accepted a new project with my "side job" which will put my main project behind. Ugh I am just messed up! I really do feel like an infant learning to walk again.. so many things to adjust to and so much going on in parallel. I want so badly to snap my fingers and have everything be as it should be, but we all know that's just the way it is in Disney films.

On top of all that there is still the never ending drama of my love life.. or lack there of.. I've had some recent encounters which have been flattering and confusing and have left me no better off than where I started. Actually that is somewhat of a lie. I think I have learned something.. I learned that it is really easy to get sucked into a bad situation with flattery but that my conscience was quick enough to stop me from getting in too deep.. so I am feeling good about that!

I did discover that I was putting on a bit of a facade about being "content" with my single life. In reality, it is on my mind when I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning.

No, I don't obsess over it and quite frankly the images in my brain are far from wedding bells and babies but there is this little thing in the back of my mind that is longing to find him.. whoever he is.. and it sits there like the devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear.. "You're single, you're alone, you won't be having sex tonight, no kisses... no nothing..." And no matter how happy I am with my career, my family, my accomplishments or my friends, I am still missing a vital piece of my yet unfinished puzzle.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that I will never ever be desperate enough to settle for less than I deserve and whoever I end up choosing will be perfect for me.. and me for him. I will be as patient as I need to be.. and I definitely won't settle. I joined Match.com but for some reason my profile isn't appearing in searches so I am frustrated. We'll see if that site has any potential over the next few months..

Anyway, long story short.. nothing has changed weight-wise, I am happy in general and I have good feelings about my dating prospects this year. I am hopeful! We'll see!