7 years Smoke-Free

So yesterday, April 7th marked my 7 year anniversary since I quit smoking.

In order for you to truly understand the importance of this year, I will need to back up about hmm 33-12=...21 years.. I started smoking at 12 years old.. I was naive, I had no concept of the burden that smoking would place upon me in the years to come. I had no concept of the smell, the breathing troubles, the yellow fingers/teeth, the dependence and most of all, the feeling of utter helplessness that I felt every time I didn't have a cigarette in my hand. I won't even get into the many thousands of dollars I spent on cigarettes and smoking paraphernalia.

I admit, I used to LOVE smoking. The taste (I know, ugh!), the smell, the feeling of community when sitting in a smoking area and immediately having something in common with the person next to you.. the "smokers doors" in high school where all my good friends hung out.. There was even a "cool" factor with smoking...

And then I grew up and started to feel the burden.. the itch of having to wait for smoke breaks and the aggravating cravings, the shame of being late because I decided to chain smoke and cram 2 cigarettes in my smoke break where time would usually only accommodate one. The feeling of waking up in the morning with the first thing on my mind being "where are my smokes and lighter"… And of course, the eventual price increases and non-smoking initiatives which began to make smoking much more expensive and inconvenient.

But there came a time when all these factors (while still valid) paled in comparison to my single handed most inspiring motivation...

I started to research weight loss surgery in 2000. I had been completely immersed in the whole process... the health aspects, the risks, the benefits and most of all, the complications. My 100% initiative with having weight loss surgery was to become healthy. The weight loss itself was merely a side effect... The procedure was the tool...
It took no time at all for me to come to the conclusion that by remaining a smoker, I was a complete and total hypocrite.. If I wanted to be healthy, and if I wanted to have the surgery, my only option was to quit smoking. Smoking adds numerous risks and potential complications to any surgical procedure and I wasn't willing to make my journey any more risky than it was already. I wanted to live and I wanted to live a healthy life. I tried to quit smoking numerous times over the years... Nicorette gum, cold turkey, the patch, hypnotism etc... All worked for a time... Usually less than a week...

So in the fall of 2000, I made my first attempt to quit smoking using Zyban. It failed. I failed. It was depressing and I really started to think I was never going to quit... But then in the beginning of 2001, I decided to give it another shot... so I went on Zyban, chose a day to quit and went to it... I chose April 7th because it is my niece's birthday and I knew I would never forget it. I never wanted to forget it. And I haven't. It wasn't easy. The first day I went into lung convulsions... Every breath I took I felt like I was sucking in twice as much air as I had before and the breaths were so deep I almost felt like I would suck the world of its oxygen supply. My body would tremble like it sometimes does when I am outside in the cold and just shivering. The days to follow were similar. My body craving the nicotine, causing me to over-gesture with my arms when I spoke and I began chewing gum and drinking water like a madwoman... but after about 2 weeks, my body stopped fighting health and I started to realize I would be smoke free forever. Ok so admittedly I cheated twice and had one drag off a cigarette but each time that one drag only acted as a reminder of why I wasn't smoking anymore.

I dreamed about smoking a lot... nightly almost in the early years. Each time waking in a panic that I was a smoker again, berating myself for what I had done. I still dream about smoking occasionally. Nightmares, really. I'll never go back to it. I'll never put my body through that again... now that I know what it feels like to be smoke free, I can hardly understand how I lasted for so many years as a smoker.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the anniversary of one of my earlier successes... I am proud :)