To boldly do...

I may have added a little bit of flair to make this all flow and sound a bit less like a high school diary entry but this is what happened on Sunday..

To set this up..

I heard something on the radio.. immediately after praying to the destiny Gods, asking how to meet Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now or even Mr. Not-a-creep.

The words came through the radio as if to me specifically.. "If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.." and so this is what inspired the boldest move ever made in "Pia's Dating History"..

I have been going to a certain restaurant since it opened a year and a half ago and gradually over the past year and a half, my interest in a certain waiter has been growing.. he's consistently been there and on occasion we have been seated in his section but really, my admiration has been a "crush from afar" Until now...

"It was like poetry... Like I put the words onto paper myself. But this was something I didn't control. Something I definitely didn't write and something I really didn't expect. It came together like a symphonic melody. Or something like that anyway!

So this time, we walk into the restaurant. He sees me, looks happy to see me, smiles and says good morning or something to that effect. I can't read lips and the restaurant is already noisy with food being served and chatter from the tables around us.

We were seated as far away from HIS section as physically possible. Not only were we seated a good distance from him, but we were placed in a separate little room, so we had a whole wall between us! The little faux windows around our room didn't provide much opportunity.

He seemed disappointed about where I was seated but I think that might have been my own feelings projecting.. I was disappointed.

I was so happy to see him again. It had been nearly 2 months I think.. it felt like longer. I had planned on giving him my phone number months ago. I last saw him on my friend's Birthday and the very next time I went to the restaurant, I planned the business card drop.. I planned it... and he wasn't there. or the time after that.. I finally asked the waitress about him. He was on a sabbatical. What?? Well, At least he was coming back! Eventually..

I barely caught 'one second' glimpses of him throughout the morning. We were there almost 2 hours and I caught his eye twice.

I had the business cards written up in my purse waiting to be given to him. One was simple.. short, to the point. The other was longer, more explanatory, more complex. My friends agreed that I should compromise the two and have a card with a little more but not a long explanation as to why I am giving him my number.

We had our breakfast. In the past, he had gone out of his way to cross my path to say hi to me or smile at me. Not today. He's too busy and I am too far away. I feel so silly for being so infatuated with someone I barely know. I have known him a year and a half but really I don't KNOW him. I have spent only minutes talking to him once or twice a month at best. But he's so attractive.. and that keeps my interest.

We make our commute to the cash register. I keep my business card in hand and follow my friends and sister to the front. I am startled for a second when I see him at the cash.. is he working the register?? No, just helping with a question.. hmm. that would have been helpful if he was. He leaves the cashier before we even get close. Back to his section.

I walk to the front. He's busy working.. head down and focused. As my friends pay, I keep looking around the restaurant. Trying not to be obvious but still sending out the "look over here" vibes.. hoping he notices I am leaving..

...and then he does. He looks up, sees me, smiles, waves and says good bye.
I can read his lips when he says that.. but I think its more the wave that I am able to interpret.

I respond with.. "Good Night!" ... at 11am, I wished him a good night. I am such a dork!

Suddenly, as if on impulse, he says something to me from across the restaurant. He's never initiated conversation before. I still can't read lips.. so I mouth the words "What did you say?" and take 2 steps closer. He moves in two steps closer as well and repeats what he said. Again, I can't hear him over the bustle of the restaurant.

So we move closer still and suddenly we come together in the centre of the restaurant. His face was flushed.. blushing? hot? embarrassed? He asks me if I am just now leaving, or if I came back for lunch. I laughed and responded, "I know I am addicted to this place but coming back so soon would be a bit much.." so he replied, "A good long breakfast then, that's good!"

I smiled and with that, we said good bye... but then, as if someone was behind me acting as my puppeteer, I said "wait" and he stopped & turned to me. I handed him my business card... [my phone number, my full name, my profession & my email address].

He smiled and said "Thank you very much", turned away and went back to work.

I don't remember being in control of my body from about the time I wrote that business card until I left the restaurant. I was on pure instinct and adrenaline. Perhaps that was for the best.

I held my breath from the second I handed him my card, to the minute I got outside. I took a deep breath of the frigid January air and began trembling. Partly because it was brisk outside but mainly because the adrenaline in my body was on overdrive just to get me the courage to do that.. by far the boldest thing I have done.

Making the first move.. in a wholesome family breakfast establishment isn't exactly something I do all the time.. as a matter of fact, it is something I have never done.

I think the most shocking aspect of this for me, is that I actually had the nerve to do it in the first place. It is something I have always wanted to do but never had the courage. Never had the confidence in myself.

Granted, there is no guarantee that he is interested in me, even if I felt a chemistry. There is definitely no guarantee he will call. But I did it because I do feel a chemistry between us and I do think he is interested in me.

At least this way, I will never have to wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done it. At least this way I'm not just admiring him from a distance forever while eating my Eggs Benedictine!

And the fact of it all is.. I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to make my move unless he did what he did. He struck up a conversation. He made this whole thing possible. Had he just waved, turned around and gone back to work like so many other times, I would have left the restaurant, card in hand, and wondered if there would ever be another opportunity or when it would have been too late, like I thought it was in the fall when he decided to go on sabbatical.

In my mind, my poetic roots are aching to finish the poem with a romantic happy ending.. he calls, and we live happily ever after..

But I have seen this before.. with other people.. it happens every day I am sure. He could reject me. He could be in a relationship already. He could be gay.

I certainly hope not, but it doesn't matter to me what decision he makes. I don't want to be with someone that isn't interested in me. I am not in love with him. I did what I did for me and me alone. If he is interested, that is fantastic. But if not, I will live.. I will move on and I will be happy.

So for now, this piece of my life, this poem, remains unfinished.. "