So far..

It is amazing how many thoughts enter your mind while you are waiting to take a trip. Regardless of whether a surgeon is waiting for me or a hot cabana boy, the feeling is the same.

I have been on an international trip before.. to Germany and Denmark. I was about 20 and the trip was planned, paid for and organized by someone else. The only thing required of me at the time was to just show up.

Things sure have changed... this time I am the responsible adult. I am footing the bill and I am making the arrangements... and I am obsessing ;) I try not to.. but I can't help it!

Of course on top of all that there is the tiny matter of the surgery and the last 6 years of research and eductation that I have also prepared myself with.

I keep hearing from people how amazed and proud they are to see me take control of my health by going all the way to Brazil for surgery...

...And secretly I am thinking, "Shouldn't we ALL be taking control of our health, standing up for our care and putting our foot down when we don't get the care we require?"...

...of course you wonder in the back of your mind if they are really thinking..."She'd go all the way to Brazil but she can't get off her fat butt and jump on a treadmill?"

I am positive that the people that know me best, the ones I surround myself with daily don't think that way... but I know that people that don't know me are thinking something along those lines... this was proven over and over again when I would tell someone about surgery and they would ask if I had tried to eat right and exercise first.

I almost want to laugh. out loud. Right to their face. Do people really ever choose major invasive surgery as their FIRST option when others are available??? Really?!? Yeesh!

One of my biggest post-op fears I have is that I will get bitter about how I am treated after I lose the weight. I know from hearing other peoples experiences that you are treated VERY differently after weight loss, but I know deep down that will irritate me. I am working on that now... trying to understand the whole "book by its cover" thing... trying... it still pisses me off though...

Really though, I have spent so much time educating myself and hearing stories about the surgery and the complications and after care that I feel 100% ready to have this done. I don't have any expectations after surgery other than knowing I will do everything in my power to help it be as successful as it can be.

ok thats it for now... Thanks for reading!